Why Can't We Be Like Helen Keller

Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day. Psalms 25:4-5

We've all heard of Helen Keller, the girl who went blind and deaf after a sickness when she was around 18 months old. For most of her childhood, Helen could not communicate with other people until her teacher, Anne Sullivan, came and taught her how to finger spell words, understand processes, and speak.

I'm a psychology major at the university I attend and I was reading an article that was by Helen Keller that described how she learned and how she felt when she learned. She learned by first mimicking Anne Sullivan and then later, the things she was learning started to click in her brain and she started understanding rather than just mimicking. When I read this article, I had a weird question come to my head. Why can't we all be like Helen Keller?

In no way am I diminishing the struggles and hardships that Helen had to go through to become the intelligent woman that we was. That's the thing though, Helen Keller was never unintelligent. She just couldn't communicate or understand yet. That's kind of how I feel currently, in a spiritual sense. I'm a senior in college and just picked out all my classes for my last undergraduate semester, but I feel like I'm walking through life like Helen Keller. I can't really see where I'm going and I can't really hear anything that's going on around me, much less do I understand it all. I'm just stumbling around continuously thinking, "what do I do?" I fail to realize that I have an Anne Sullivan.

I feel like most of us know that. God teaches us. God guides us. It's been hammered in our brain for forever, but do we actually trust what we've been taught? Do we let God take us by the hand and finger spell words that we don't understand? Do we mimic His ways until we understand what we are doing?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say for the most of us the answer is a big, resounding no. We say we are letting God guide us, but we're somewhere in the wilderness stumbling around trying to figure out our own plan for our lives and understandably, still not knowing what in the world we are doing.

Why can't we all be like Helen Keller? Why can't we all learn like Helen Keller? Why can't we all trust like Helen Keller? Helen never lost her identity to her teacher. Helen was always Helen, but she grew up to be a very significant person and figure because of her teacher who enhanced her identity. Helen was never dumb. She just knew who to follow.

Stop Being Pretty

Be pretty. Look right. Act right. Do not let anyone see you break. These are the ideas that surround our culture. I get it. Nobody wants to be that friend that is angry or that is sobbing all the time, but the problem is that this idea of "being pretty" has seeped its way into our spiritual lives. When we talk to God, we feel this need to have pretty words and not show emotion unless its "bringing fire". Why is that? Why do we feel the need to hide how we feel from the Creator of feelings?

I'm reading this book for one of my classes right now that is called Fill These Hearts by Christopher West. I highly recommend it. It's completely changing my view on how God views our desire. Christopher West is a very wise Catholic theologian. In his book, he starts talking about a time that he got angry with God. He was as a retreat and he was writing down in his journal to God. He started out really pretty with the "correct words", but then he decided to get real. He started writing about how angry he was with God. West used a choice word or two and obviously felt that he had committed the ultimate sin by getting so angry with God. He went to confess about what he had done and the priest calmly responds "good prayer". I am not in any way suggesting that we should cuss out God in our prayers, but God spoke to me while I was reading this page of the book.

"Stop trying to be so pretty with Me." I pray to God all the time. I mean it's how we create relationship with Him, but is it a real relationship if we beat around the bush and say what we think God wants to hear? Even when we cry to God, we try to use pretty words, like he isn't going to hear us unless we sound sophisticated. Imagine if you and your best friend just tried to be politically correct with each other. There'd be no late night in depth conversations. There'd be no nights of binge eating feelings and crying about life. There would be no real relationship and that's not how God wants to be with us.

I feel like we fail to realize that God made us and that includes the intense parts of us. There are times that we are angry and want to yell at Him, not in a disrespectful way, but a way to lament about our confusion and I think that is okay. The Bible doesn't say, come all who are heavy burdened with your sophisticated words. It just says come as you are. God created our emotions and though He knows literally everything, I think He wants to see how we truly feel. Job yelled at God. David wept to God. Even Jesus felt pain when he cried out to God asking why He had forsaken Him. So, why do we feel like we have to be different?

So, This One Time In Vienna. . .

If you have been following me on social media, you know that I have been in Germany, Switzerland, and Austria for the past two weeks. I had an incredible time! I would love to tell you all my stories and experiences while I was there, so feel free to ask about them, but in this post I want to focus on one experience that was stressful, awkward, and incredibly eye opening.

It was our last night in Vienna. Actually, it was our last night in a country other than America. We had to get up at 2:45 the next morning, so we decided that instead of sleeping, we would go to the amusement park that we had gone to every night we had been in Vienna. Who needs sleep when there are roller coasters, right? The group of people I was with and I rode the underground (which is a lot easier to understand than the New York subway) to the amusement park. I was so excited! Honestly, if I had all the money in the world, I could stay in an amusement park for the rest of my life and be completely content.

We were all joking and walking around trying to figure out what ride we were going to ride first. We decided to ride the indoor roller coaster. A friend and I had rode it before and had been raving for about a day about how creepy the walk up to the coaster was and how incredible the ride was. So, we all paid our four euros and fifty cents and started our walk to the coaster. Now, to actually get to the ride, you have to find your way through a mirror maze and get through a room of lasers. The whole thing made me feel like Kim Possible. There were lasers, purple strobe lights, a little fog, and this Austrian recording talking about our mission we had to complete. I loved it! We had made it through the mirror maze and were making our way through the lasers. My friends were quickly jumping over the lasers and I figured I would jump too, completely forgetting that I am the clumsiest person God has ever created and also forgetting that I didn't change out of my dress sandals from dinner. I jumped over two lasers and was completely fine, but then I went to jump over a third laser and my lack of coordination got the best of me. I landed on the side of my foot and twisted my ankle pretty badly. I kept trying to get up, but I couldn't get myself off of the ground. So, here I am, injured on the floor of a room of lasers, strobe lights, fog, and to top it all off, I'm not even in my home country. My friends  started helping me up and getting out of the room. After a few people rode the coaster, they helped me get outside.

Now, I'm not a person who likes attention. When I'm the center of attention, I usually try to divert the situation to something else. You can imagine the anxiety I felt when we got outside and I see most of the people from our trip standing outside and looking at me as I limped like a injured dog out of the building. I sat down on the stairs and a friend started wrapping my foot. I remember people trying to make plans to get me back to the hotel (which was on the other side of Vienna) and I was thinking, "just wrap my foot and I can go have fun." I wanted to suffer through the pain and stay at the park so everyone, including myself, could still have fun on our last night in Europe. Obviously, I wasn't allowed to do that. The boys on our trip gave me piggy back rides across the city and on the underground until we got back to our hotel.

My initial thought during everything that happened was that I hated it. I hated that everyone went back to the hotel because of me. I hated being the center of attention. I wanted everyone to go have their own fun and I was going to take care of myself. It finally hit me that was the most unChrist like way I could be thinking. I learned a few things during this moment.

1. As much as we want to do everything on our own, we can't.  I wanted to take care of myself and stay at the park. By golly, it was my last night in Europe and I was going to do what I want to do, but my friends knew better. They were thinking clearly when I wasn't, and weren't going to let me be stupid. Sometimes, we have to lean on other people, or in my case, ride on their backs, because we can't do everything on our own.

2. Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another's burdens and carrying one another's burdens has absolutely nothing to do with sympathy. Can you imagine what would have happen if my friends would have just been like, "wow. I'm so sorry. I hope you can figure something out." It would have been interesting seeing me limp across Vienna or riding rides that could have injured me more. Carrying each others burdens means trying to understand one another, putting ourselves in someone else's shoes, or literally carrying a person.

3. This completely random group of people I met 18 days ago has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. Their encouragement that night was overwhelming. Their ability to make be laugh so hard that I couldn't breathe while I was in tons of pain was one of my favorite moments on the trip. It was one of those rare times that I truly saw God shine through other people.

So, as I sit here in West Virginia with ice covering the bruises on my ankle and foot, I can't help but think how completely grateful I am for that awkward and embarrassing moment in Vienna. I am so thankful for the people God put in my life these past two weeks and I hope our friendships last a life time. I don't think I would have enjoyed Europe as much as I did if it wasn't for the people that surrounded me.

To The Man I'll Spend My Life With

I don't know who you are. I don't know where you are. I don't know if we have met yet and I don't know when our life together will begin, but I have a lot of hopes for you while you live your live without me.

I hope you grow where you are planted. I hope you're not aimlessly walking through life waiting for the next thing, the next step, or what society says you have to do next in life. I hope you slow down and look around you. Take in the relationships you are blessed with. Say I love you to your family one too many times. Take the opportunities placed in front of you. Take chances. Thriving where you are is a necessity for the legacy that I know you will leave.

I hope you're a dreamer. I hope you're reaching for the stars. I hope you have a dream that fills you with excitement. I hope you're taking this dream that God has given you and running with it.

I hope women's expectations of who you should be are not tearing you apart. I would be lying if I said I didn't have expectations of who you are, but if my expectation of you is you being perfect then that is absolutely absurd. This world comes with struggles for you and I both. As much as I hope you will walk with me through my imperfections, I will walk with you through yours. I understand that being like Christ doesn't mean you are Christ. I hope you know that not being perfect is a part of being human.

Most of all, I hope you love your heavenly father more than you will ever love me. His plans for your life are greater than the plans we have. I hope you are looking for His guidance in the steps that you take. I hope you are looking for His go ahead in the chances and opportunities placed in front of you.
Have His joy, without me. Have His peace, without me. Have happiness, without me. I hope you have all of this without me because our fulfillment in life does not come from other people. Find your foundation in Him first and our life together will be greater than we can even imagine.

Live Life Red

"And now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

It's Valentine's Day today. As I sit on my couch, I have started thinking of the meaning of today. As a single person, last week I thought today was just going to be a reminder of how "lonely" I am. In actuality, it was the complete opposite.

This week has been really hard for my apartment. We lost two precious family members. Both losses were tragic and close to home. We are all trying to be there for one another and for one another's families. Through this, I've noticed how many people I take for granted everyday. My family that I push aside because I'm a college kid and I'm too "busy" talk. My friends that I walk passed everyday and say nothing because I have to get to class.

I've started seeing what true love is. True love isn't flowers or chocolate. It isn't lengthly Facebook posts about how blessed you are to have a certain human being. Those are all aspects of love, but true love is tough. It's dragging yourself through the mud for someone. It's persistence. It's bleeding for someone else. It's saying I love you because it's genuine, not because you have to.

The reason love is the greatest is because it's the most noticeable. True, genuine love has to be noticed. It grabs attention. Love latches on and doesn't let go. Love draws people in. That's why I think love is portrayed as the color red. Red is fierce and bright and....noticeable. Think of when a girl wears red or wears red lipstick (aka me. I always wear red lipstick.). It's so noticeable! It's the first thing peoples' eyes are drawn to when they look at her because red is so vibrant. Red gets so much attention, but it's not like the person wearing it says, "hey! Look at all of this red." Red naturally gets attention. It's kind of like when you notice a person's love isn't genuine. You aren't drawn to them. You try to stay away from them, but you're drawn to people who genuinely show love.

Though this week has been so tough for me and close friends, it has taught me to be more grateful. I'm so thankful for my family. My parents are so important to me. I'm so glad that they love me the way that they do. My sister is my absolute best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. I love my apartment mates, Whitney, Tess, and Hannah. Their friendships mean the world to me. I'm so glad the Lord has blessed me with them. I love my best friend, Mahima. I never knew working in the Conn Center on Tuesdays and Thursdays would bring me one of the most incredible people I have ever met.

I really don't know how to end this post. I don't know whether to command you to be the color red or just tell you how grateful that I am that you are apart of my life. Either way, I hope you know how much you are truly loved and cherished because the Lord loves you and His love for you is red.

To The Place That Made Me

To Hillcrest Christian School,

I do not know if you will ever know the impact you had on my life. I'm not sure if I ever portrayed how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to walk your halls. I've never forgotten the friends that I made or the teachers that I had. All that I can say right now is thank you.

Thank you, lunch staff. Thank you for the constant work you performed. Thank you for the days you let me have food even when I did not have enough money to pay for it.

Thank you, janitors. Thank you for keeping our school clean and doing your job with a smile.

Thank you, fellow students. Though not all of us got along and some of us have lost contact, you all were apart of some of the best years of my teenage life. The memories of homecoming parades, pageants, and even stressing over research papers together are memories that I will always cherish.

Thank you, teachers. If I were to name you all by name, this blog would be too long to read. Thank you for being excited about your job. Thank you for investing in me when I did not want to invest in myself. You all pushed me and prepared me for moments in my life I did not know I was going to have to be prepared for. Thank you for helping me develop my passion for history and for people. I get to go to Germany this summer to see places we talked about in class. I wouldn't have this opportunity if it wasn't for you all. Most of all, thank you for keeping in touch. Thank you for being friends after being my teachers. It's a rarity when you have faculty wanting to invest in your life even after high school.

Thank you, coaches. If I were to be completely honest, I hated basketball practices. I hated running. I hated the pressure of the game, because I never felt like I was going to be good enough. Thank you for teaching me that endurance is a key part of life and that being "good enough" doesn't matter as long as I do my best. Thank you for teaching me that sometimes I have to get up, dust myself off, and keep moving regardless of the circumstances that surround me.

Thank you, Dr. Prather. You always pushed me to be the best that I can be. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my testimony with my fellow classmates. Thank you for not only being a headmaster, but for being a person every student knew that they could turn to if life got hard. You rock, DP.

I do not know if all of my grammar is correct in this blog. I'm sure it'll be corrected, but as I sit in the library of Lee University almost in tears, I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Hillcrest Christian School. I am a 21 year old that has the confidence to say I know what I want to do with my life. This is because of how HCS has molded me.
Thank you, Hillcrest.

Sincerely,
A Future School Counselor

Vulnerable

Walls.

Codes.

Locked doors.

That's what people are. We are personified vaults. Inside, we store our valuables. Our dreams. Our stories. Our desires. We have everything we are and everything we hope to be locked up. These things are necessary for building relationships with others. We have to show people the real us, but it's so scary. We are afraid of being vulnerable.

Why does vulnerability have a negative connotation? When we hear the word vulnerable, we automatically think weak. The ability to be hurt is the only thing that consumes our minds. One would figure that would be a correct way of thinking. According to Webster's, the definition of vulnerable is "easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally." That's really intimidating to me. Think about it. It's like saying, "Here I am. You can hurt me now." That is the most terrifying thought in the world, but we have to be that way.

I found another definition of vulnerable that says "appearing as you are." We have to be ourselves. We have to stop acting like we are put together and perfect. I'm definitely not perfect and neither is anyone else on the earth. The key to opening up a person's vault is to be as you are. We must be vulnerable with others. To really get to know others and for others to really get to know us, we have to have the courage to be open for injury. We have to let friends know our deepest desires and fears. They have to know who we are, even with the possibility of being hurt. We have to say, "Here I am. You can hurt me now, but I care too much for you to show you anyone different."

Is that not what Christ portrayed while on earth? Vulnerability? He showed who He really was knowing He would be rejected by some. Some rejected Him so much that they put Him on a cross. He knew the danger of being open, but He did it any way. He cared too much for us to be pious. He is the example of who we need to be.

We have to be open vaults.

Here's To You, 2015

Am I the only one that can not believe that 2015 will be over at midnight? What a year it has been! I've seen so many reminiscing social media posts about this past year and it fills me with joy to see what my friends have accomplished. One theme that seems to be prominent in these posts is growth. I started thinking back on my year and I realized that 2015 was definitely a year of growth and change for me.

I had many times where I felt like I was looking at the sky from a deep valley. I lost some friends. I had nights where I would sit behind the School of Religion and cry. I had times where I didn't know who I was. I had times where I didn't know if life was worth it and I had many times where I felt lost. This all sounds pretty down hearted for the new year, but these times happen for everyone. Along with these moments though, I had moments where I felt like I could conquer the world.

These times were when I successfully finished all ten seasons of Friends on Netflix and developed a love for Chandler and Monica's relationship like you all can not believe. I made wonderful new friends who bring so much joy in my life. I started this blog. I learned my passion. I became apart of the Say Something leadership family where I developed my passion to help people with mental illnesses along with people who are just hurting. I learned that I am broken, but everyone else is also broken in some way. I realized that sometimes it's okay to say no and I learned how to stick up for myself. I learned who I am as a human being.

Looking back at 2015, I realize that we all have highs and we all have lows and the Lord is with us through all of it. Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So here's to you, 2015. You had some highs and you had some lows, but I count it all joy because boy, I sure did learn a lot. 2016, I am so excited for the moments that you will bring me.

Happy New Years, Readers. I hope it's full of growth, joy, and laughter. Remember that the Lord is with you.

A Letter To The Class That Proved Me Wrong

Dear Friends,

I can remember our first class period like it was yesterday. That's only because I had panicked for at least an hour before class. I knew how this class was going to go. Regardless of the fact that I went out of my comfort zone and took an acting class, knowing it would require me to be outgoing, I knew I was going to be the one... The one person that wasn't going to do something right. The one person that would make things awkward.

As class started, my worst fears were confirmed. We actually had to meet each other. We had to go up to each person and introduce ourselves and talk about our lives. My anxiety kicked in. All I wanted to do was leave and leave quickly, but I participated. I told the same thing to every person, "My name is Brook. My parents live in West Virginia. I like Georgia Football." Anytime the conversation got longer than that, I would be thrown off guard because I wasn't used to it. I wasn't used to walking into a class and actually having to get to know people. I'm used to walking in, being invisible, taking notes, and leaving. That's what I wanted to happen that day. I didn't want anyone to know me, because I knew they would find something wrong.

As the semester continued, we became closer and I began to realize that with y'all, I can be myself. We laughed together. We cried together. Most days we were just plain crazy with each other and I felt like I was with family through every minute of it. So as the semester comes to an end, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for proving me wrong and letting me know that I'm not a black sheep.

Thank you for making me build trust and for being trusting of me.

Thank you for making me feel safe.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Thank you for letting me know that's it okay to be awkward, but that I don't have to be awkward.

Thank you for proving to me that it's okay to be myself again.

Thank you for giving me the courage to start auditioning after I had promised myself I would never audition for anything else again.

Thank you for showing me what true community is.

Thank you for making this class something I looked forward to every Tuesday and Thursday.

This semester with you all has meant the world to me. Not only have I become a better actor, but I have become a better person. This is because of you all being yourselves. It is unlikely that we will have classes together again, but I have grown to truly love each one of you. As Thursday rolls around and we do our finals scenes and say goodbye (I'll get emotional. You can count on it.), I want you to remember this quote from the book Matched:

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that."

Sincerely,
The girl all in her feels on her recliner

A Letter to Paris

Dear City of Love,

I've been trying to think of what to say or if I needed to say anything at all. I've been trying to rationalize what has happened. I've been trying to think of eloquent words to portray how this has effected my community, but all I can say is I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you were shown everything but love. I'm sorry that evil reared its ugly head and you were the victim. I'm sorry that so many precious lives were lost. I'm sorry you no longer feel safe. I'm sorry the peace that you held so dear is shattered. I'm sorry walking the streets has become anxiety ridden instead of joyful. I'm sorry your families no longer feel comfortable in their homes. I'm sorry you are suffering, but most of all, I'm sorry about us.

I'm sorry it takes tragic events for us to care about people in other nations. I'm sorry we decided to pray for you after the attacks happened, but never thought about it before. I'm sorry we can continue with our normal lives, but you can't. I'm sorry we don't hold our loved ones near, a privilege that part of your population no longer has. I'm sorry we don't care for the people around us even though you have lost so many around you. I'm sorry we are trying to weigh the losses in other countries, when so many have lost so much. I'm sorry that our own political agendas get in the way of showing the love you were built on. I'm sorry we're selfish and though we recognize what has happened to you, we do not feel that it should apply to us. I'm sorry these things are never going to change, though I hope they will.

I hope that one day you can find peace again and I hope that we will be apart in giving you that peace. I hope one day your people can smile again. I hope that the day will come when joy becomes a prominent part of you lifestyle, but until that day, we love you. Know that #PrayforParis is more than a hashtag.

Sincerely,
A girl from across the waters

An Open Letter To The Person Who Doesn't Feel Enough

Dear Reader,

Enough is such an intimidating word, isn't it? I'd rather someone tell me they just don't like me rather beat around the bush and basically say, "You're just not enough." People may not say that word for word, but our minds sure do get what they are saying.

 I've been where you are. Actually, I am where you are, so let me relate to you. We are caught in the in-between. We feel as if we are on this teeter totter of "enoughness" and we never sway to either side. We are just stuck in the middle, feeling as if we are never going to be enough for anything. Thoughts are constantly racing through our head that end with the statement ", but am I enough?"

"I'm doing good in class, but am I smart enough?"

"I'd really like to get to know that person, but am I enough for them?"

"I'm trying out for something, but am I good enough?"

"I'm pretty, but am I pretty enough?"

"I'm funny, but am I funny enough?"

The list can go on and on about different things and different instances where we will dwell on if we are enough for something or someone. We feel like we almost make it. We're almost to the top, but we are just not quite... enough.

I'd like to tell you that we are enough. I'd like to say we just have to believe we are enough to be enough, but in actuality, we are not enough. We are never going to be enough. I realized this in the past couple of days. Let me give you a look into my life:

I decided to audition for a school play. If you know me at all, you know I just jump of the cliff of my comfort zone and am preparing my self to hit these jagged rocks at the bottom. I've been pacing my apartment. I've been calling my mom, who obviously keeps telling me I can't back out. Panic has made it's way into my body and this is all because I feel like I am not going to be enough. I might be good, but am I going to be good enough? It's constantly racing through my head and I finally came to realize that no, I am not going to be enough. I am not enough! I am not enough, on my own.

You see, we weren't made to be enough. God makes us enough. Actually, God makes us more than enough. So, regardless of how situations turn out and how people perceive us, if we follow the Lord, we are always going to be enough. One day, you'll find that person that thinks the stars were hung just for you, and you'll be enough. One day, you'll make this big break in your career, and you'll be enough. But until those days come, walk with your head high. Look people in the face and let them know that whatever they think or say about you will not phase you. Their words carry no weight because you are more than enough in the eyes of our Father and His words cancel out theirs.

With Love,
The Girl Who Is Enough

Try To Be A Ruth In A Orpah World

I attend a mentoring class on Wednesday nights and last night we studied on the story of Ruth. I am obsessed with this story! Everything about it just makes me swoon. It's like the best love story in the Bible besides the gospel (which can relate to the story of Ruth, but another day, another blog). When we first started studying this last night I realized two things. One, I want to be someone's Ruth. Two, Boaz is a stud. As we studied a little deeper though, I started to think about some things that I think can apply to how we should show love today and can apply to ladies who are trying to find their future spouse.

1. Do not leave your Naomi.
We don't hear much about Orpah. The only things that we know about her is that her husband died and that she left Naomi. In Orpah's defense, Naomi did tell her to leave. Wasn't Orpah just obeying? Unlike Orpah, Ruth clung to Naomi. Other than the fact that Naomi was her family now, I believe Ruth understood that Naomi was greiving. Orpah left regardless of the fact that Naomi was hurting. Orpah knew that this was about to be a rough ride. Have you noticed that today we have a whole lot of orpahs? When life gets hard for people and we don't understand what they are going through, we say the stereotypical "I'll pray for you", and then never really pray for them. Much less than that, we never actually go out of our way to help them through life. Do not let the hurting to hurt alone. Cling to them. Love them. Serve them. Be a light to the people around you.

2. Ruth wasn't looking for Boaz, but she was taking care of Naomi.
Ruth wasn't gleaning in Boaz's field because she knew it was Boaz's field. Ruth was gleaning the field because she knew she needed to take care of her mother in law, Naomi. Ruth shows the fact the love is an action. Gleaning was a difficult job and Ruth gleaned all day just to make sure Naomi had food to eat. Ruth's action of love attracted Boaz to her. It wasn't her looks or her status. While I do believe that it is important for us to take care of our selves, I believe our love for other people is more important. Our genuine love for others with attract others to us. I don't understand why this has become an foreign concept. To attract Godliness, we must strive to be Godly.

3. Your parents are important.
Ruth treated her mother in law like she was a queen. If it wasn't for Ruth's obedience to her mother in law, Ruth would have never gotten Boaz. Ruth would have never known that Boaz was the kinsman redeemer. Ruth wouldn't have went and laid at Boaz's feet because that was Naomi's idea in the first place. Ruth's obedience and love for her mother in law ushered in the man of God that was supposed to be in her life. That shouldn't be any different today. Your parents are wise. Your parents deserve respect. If you don't love and support your parents, why would God send the person you are supposed to marry if you can't respectfully love the family you already have? This just goes back to the idea that to attract Godliness, we must strive to be Godly.

Stop trying to look for Boaz and just love other people so God can bring your Boaz to you.

Your Steps Are Ordered: A Story From A Girl With Social Anxiety

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." Psalms 37:23

If you know me to any extent, you know how introverted and shy I am. I can know someone for a year and still over think every word that I want to say to them even if it is just "hello." Struggling with social anxiety is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's different for everyone, but for me it's prevalent when I am in places with a lot of people. Just to be completely open, my first thought is that no one where I am loves, cares, or much less deems me worthy of anything. I struggle with this every day. It takes a lot out of me to just say hello to friends I pass on the side walk or go to events on campus. It feels like I'm constantly pushing myself to do things my body physically refuses to do.

I constantly have to renew my mind. I have to always remind myself that I am created in God's image. There is nothing wrong with me and my life has worth. I push myself to be more social. I push myself to go to events because I am not called to let my anxiety control me. My anxiety is not me. God has shown me recently that my steps are not in vain. If you know any of my close friends, they'll tell you that my new saying is "the steps of a righteous man are ordered." I say it at least once a day. Anxiety acting up? The steps of a righteous man are ordered. Feel out of place? The steps of a righteous man are ordered. 

I type all of this to say that my steps are not the only steps that are ordered. Your steps are ordered. Your family's steps are ordered. Your children's steps are ordered. It may seem like worry and anxiety are taking over your life, but take a deep breath and grasp the peace that the Lord gives us freely because your steps are ordered and your life is not in vain. Your life has worth. Your calling has worth. Your worth is not found in the people in this world, so we have to stop comparing our personalities, our callings and our struggles with other people because we do not have any control over what other people are called to do or how God has ordered their life. We need to take joy and find peace in the knowledge that when we feel like our life is just going through the motions or when life is chaotic and it seems like it is going to over run us, our life is ordered by the God who told the oceans where to stop and told the sun when to rise and set. So when you feel like your life has no meaning and that you are out of place, look where you are planted and know that you are there for a reason. Your life has brought you to this moment, what are you going to do with it?

But, Don't You Know You Are Wanted?

Jesus has been messing me up for the past couple of days. I've been focusing so much on how, as people, we have this desire to feel wanted. Rather you're an introvert or extrovert, male or female, theology major or psychology major, in school or out of school, we all have this over whelming desire to feel wanted. Unfortunately, most of the time we feel unwanted even if we are surrounded by people that do want us. We have this perception of how it looks when someone wants us and when that vision isn't met, we automatically shut down and believe no one wants us at all or at least I do. For an introvert (because I am one) example, do any of you know of someone and you know you would make awesome friends but you don't talk to them and they don't talk to you so your automatic thought is that they don't what to be your friend at all? If you said no to that question, you're lying and you need to go repent. My point is we think no one wants us at all because our perception of being wanted isn't met, but God blows our perception of being wanted out of the water and we ignore it. 

This statement hit me like a train at 2:30am this past Saturday. I was at an event called All Night Prayer put on by a college ministry here in Cleveland. We were taking communion and scenes from The Passion of the Christ were playing on a screen that was in the front of the sanctuary. As I'm cringing at the site of the crucifixion, a thought came across my mind. Jesus did not die on the cross for me to focus on being wanted by other people. Are we not worth more than the thoughts of other people? At this point, I'm feeling overwhelmingly guilty and am sobbing and hyperventilating in my chair. I mean, I had already been crying through out the communion session, but I was hard core, when Mufasa died in the Lion King, sobbing. It got so bad that I went to the back of the sanctuary, dropped to my knees, sobbed, and prayed for a good 45 minutes. After I got done praying, I stood up and worshipped. As I stood there, I heard the Lord say, "It's okay to want to be wanted. It's okay to have a desires. It's not okay to want that more than you want Me." That's when it hit me (after I doubled over and sobbed again), God wants us more than anyone on this planet could ever or ever will want us. He wants us to have the desires of our hearts, but our desires are not more important than the God who gave us those desires.

Have you ever thought about how much God focuses in on us? Do you realize everything was made to praise God? The wind. The rain. Lightning. Insects. Birds. Lions. Everything. Everything was made to praise the Lord, and yet, He doesn't focus on them. I'm sure God enjoys and loves to hear the praises of everything He has created, but He focuses on us. We are more important than all of His creations. He hears our groans of pain. He hears our cheers of joy. He is constantly working and making everything out for our good and working on giving us the desires of our hearts in His timing. Don't let your desires be more important than the Creator who gave you those desires. 

Finding Unity in Brokenness

The ideas of unity and brokenness have both been on my mind lately. Mostly because small group kickoff was about brokenness and Resonate was about being one. (If you aren't a Lee student and have no idea what I am talking about, message me. I'll fill you in.) These two things are so contradictory to one another. Unity means being one and being one means being whole. This is the complete opposite of brokenness because when you are broken, you're, well, broken. You're not whole. You're not put together. The longer I dwell on these ideas though, the more I realize they aren't as opposite as one would think.

Let's just take our culture for an example right now. When we look at other people, or see other people's posts on social media, we perceive them as being whole. We compare our lives to other people's lives because we automatically think that we are the only broken person in the world. This idea is completely untrue. Every single person that walks the face of this planet is broken. We are all broken in different ways, but we don't take time to recognize other people's brokenness, much less be transparent enough to show our own brokenness. What if we did though? What if instead of having that cliche "hey. how are you? I'm good." conversation, we actually built relationships? Shared our struggles? Shared our pain? Lifted others up when they are broken down? What would the body of Christ look like and outside of that, what would society look like as a whole?

This is when I thought of finding unity even in our brokenness. I started thinking of a stain glass window. A stain glass window is perceived as one of the most beautiful parts of a building. Whenever a building has one, it's what its known for. "Which building is *insert name of building*?" "Oh. It's the building with the stain glass window." The funny thing is though, a stain glass window is just a bunch of different pieces of broken glass put together. It is different colors, different jagged edges, different degrees of brokenness being seen as beautiful. It is being seen as whole and as one. That's how we should be. We should be binding together with other broken people to lift each other up, to help lift other broken people up, so we can be one through the love of Jesus that has made our collective brokenness whole. So, do you want to be whole, or do you want to be a piece of broken glass?

Cheers Summer 2015

Last night, I had to say goodbye to people I got close to this summer. As I sobbed for the whole 45 minute drive home, I started to reminisce on this past summer and how different it was compared to the summer of 2014.
During the summer of 2014, I didn't want to get close to anyone. Since I am a pastor's kid, putting up walls and pushing people away is something I taught myself to do to protect myself. Why get close to people if you're just going to move, right? So, I wasn't the friendliest human being.
This summer was completely different and I am so glad. I feel like I have become a stronger person in my faith and in general because of my experiences and because of the people I have gotten close to.  So this blog isn't really a lot of words. I mean I could go into detail about the people who changed me. I could rave about the wonderful girls I counseled at camp, but I figured showing you might be the best way. Below are a lot of pictures of people that mean a lot to me. These pictures most of you have probably seen on social media before, but hey, I'm a sentimental person.

So cheers to you, Summer 2015. You'll have a special place in my heart. 

*insert end credits and silent sobs*

To The Person Who Feels Forever Alone

Just to be open and real with everyone, this has been me for the past two weeks. I felt like God honestly didn't care whether or not I found "the one" and if I were to be completely honest, I felt like God just wanted to trick me into being interested in someone just for it to be ripped away. Here I was a 20 year old crying in the middle of a kids camp service (actually 2 kids camp services. Minor details.) because I felt unloved and forgotten. I don't know how it is for guys, but for girls, I know that when we are single for a long period of time, we think something is wrong with us. Something about us is turning all the men away and pushing them toward all the other girls around us. We all have a plan of when we want to find the right person. For instance, mine was to meet my future husband before I was 20 so we could date for at least 2 years in college, get engaged my senior year at Lee, and get married the summer after I graduate. Unfortunately, this isn't a post that ends with me finding my future husband at the camp I was at for 3 weeks and strolling through the camp ground hand in hand. Here I am about to turn 21 in a few months and I'm single. I'm starting to realize that my plan is not God's plan and thank goodness it's not. If it was, I would currently be married to Nick Jonas and living the dream. I know I am not the only person that feels like this so I just wanted to share what God has reminded me these past couple of weeks.

1. You are not forgotten
God has not written you out of his plan. He hasn't forgotten you. His thoughts about you are all about how much he loves you and cares about you. His thoughts are completely different from the thoughts you have about yourself. When God says wait, it doesn't mean no. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." We have to stop constantly thinking these horrible thoughts about ourselves because we feel like God doesn't have a plan for us. He does, and sometimes his plan is just to wait. Take in the moment you are in and not dwell on the future so much.

2. Stop Worrying
I constantly worry. It's a huge problem. This past week was no different. Actually, it was a little worse. I was continually worrying about finding the right person because I felt like everyone else was finding the right person. Matthew 6:33-34 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." A friend of mine kind of put it all in perspective for me. He asked me if I had the desire to get married. I said that I did, then he responded that it would happen in time because God wouldn't give me the desire to get married and have a family if he didn't want that for me. We have to wait for the Lord's timing.

3. Guard Your Heart
I had another friend tell this to me this week. If you know me, it took everything within me not to turn into an emotional wreck right then and there. (I did turn into an emotional wreck. Just not in public.) I feel like we are all wanting to find the right person so bad that we just cling to the first person that shows interest in us or assume someone is the person we are supposed to marry because we are already dating them. That's what I did and something I have to constantly check myself on. Your heart isn't something that should be played with. It's something precious and valuable. It should be given to someone who cares about it more than you do. Don't constantly keep giving your heart away. A person will come along that will take care of it and we all have to wait for that moment.

3 Reasons Why You're Not As Special As You Think

*insert sarcastic Dean face for emotional build up*

Are we as special as we think we are? God loves us right? Of course God loves us. Why do you think you're alive, but on the other hand, aren't other people alive too? (If you responded no to this, sorry to break it to you, we aren't in The Walking Dead.) God loves you, but he doesn't love you anymore than he loves the homeless man down the street. God doesn't pick favorites. This has been on my mind lately. I've been thinking about if we are as special as we think we are (including myself). I've thought of a few things that might help us out.

1. It's not about you.

Where did this mindset of everyone has to see what I do come from? When did posting a biblical Facebook status become more important than being benevolent? We aren't Christians so that we can be recognized. Your talents are from God. Your dreams are from God. Your words are from God, so being seen just for the sake of being seen shouldn't be a priority. John 7:18 states, "Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him." We should start striving to do what God tells us to do not for the sake of being seen or applause, but just because God told us to do it.

2. It's not about you

(I hope you're starting to see a theme.) Everyone has an opinion. Literally, everyone. This means your opinion isn't going to match with everyone else's opinion on the planet. Since when did deciding if a church should offer food or should not offer food on Wednesdays become such a big deal? Or having music before the sermon or after the sermon? Honestly, I don't think Jesus cares, unless he straight up told you. If the pastor or youth pastor want to have food on Wednesdays, do it. If not, then don't. (This is all hypothetical.) You are under a person that God has placed in authority. You may disagree with them, but God ordained for them to be there. If they aren't doing their job correctly, God will take care of it. It's not your job. Romans 12:19 says, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." The whole reason we are on the earth is to tell people about Christ. Our opinions over which translation of the Bible to read shouldn't matter. This leads me to my last point.

3. It. Is. Not. About. You. 

or me. or your pastor. or the televangelist. or your role model. It's all about Jesus. God sent his only son to die for everyone to have eternal if they believe in him. So shouldn't we be showing the love of God instead of trying to be famous in the eyes of man or arguing over things that aren't important?

#BeltItLikeBeckham

This is my second blog post about Clark and I am not ashamed. Once again, I'm trying not to make this post sound like I'm fangirling (which I totally am but that's besides the point). As a Lee University student and being apart of the COG since I was born, I am incredibly proud of how Clark has represented himself.

Honestly, I am so glad that a man of God is in the top 2 of American Idol. His positivity and humbleness is so refreshing to see on television. He is setting an example for the world to see. I mean have you seen his social media posts?! One of his tweets from tonight said, "I thank God for where I am and for all of you and I must say, it's a big responsibility, but I would be honored to be your next American Idol."

Who does that? If I was on American Idol most of my tweets would consist of nervous break downs and/or really really terrible jokes. His composure is something that most people don't have and his love of the Lord is incredible. I had a friend recently say how tired they were about hearing about Clark and maybe there other people that feel the same way, but no one can deny the impact that Clark has made. His character reminds me of the verse Luke 14:11, "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

All of this swooning over Clark to say that he is setting an incredible example for us. Challenging us to be humble and to show love in a world that needs it. Isn't it what we are supposed to do? Aren't we supposed to get out of our comfort zones for the sole purpose of showing the love of Christ to those who need it? According to 1 Corinthians 16:14, we must do everything in love. Who knows the amount of people Clark has touched just by being the man God has called him to be.

So as the finale of American Idol nears,(It's tomorrow night, y'all. Vote for Clark like crazy.) I'd like to wish Clark good luck (again). Whether he wins or not, he is a champion just because of the example he is setting for everyone.

The Night of the Rabid Raccoon

Let me just type about how weird my night was last night. It was arguably the weirdest night I have had so far being a Lee. The creepy picture of the evil genius raccoon will be explained shortly, but let me just start from the beginning.

Last night was the last night of finals week. (PRAISE!) My friend, Whitney, and I were about to go get dinner when she calls me to come to her dorm. I get in there and she has one stink bug trapped under a bowl and another one is chilling by the window. Y'all. I hate bugs. HATE THEM. Whitney needed help getting them out though so I go and get a wet paper towel and put soap on it to grab them. Well, I, being the easily frightened person that I am, can not seem to grab these things. I'd go up to them and then squeal and freeze. It was a horrible experience. We finally resulted in coaxing these flying demons out of the room by opening the window and pushing them out with bowls. Please imagine two sophomores in college walking around a dorm room with bowls and wet paper towels covered in soap. It was an interesting situation.

Well, we went to dinner and came back to her dorm to study. Obviously, we weren't really studying. We were lip syncing to Jonas Brothers and talking about random things. All of a sudden, I hear a buzzing noise. My thought process is, "Oh lord... Please Jesus don't let it be one of those winged demons again." Of course it was. It was another stink bug. This one was smart though. It stayed on the ceiling so that we couldn't catch it. I wasn't taking it. Whitney and I decided to move to library. Nothing really bad happened at the library. We should have just stayed there, but of course I wanted caffeine. We decided to go to the SMC (Lee building lingo). This is when all the fun started.

We get to the SMC and decide to go to the bathroom before we head up to the great room. (no really. Thats the name of it. The great room.) We walking in the bathroom and all the lights are off. So I just shut the door and turn my phone flashlight on. For some reason, Lee did not put a light switch in this bathroom. So Whitney and I are just wondering around this pitch black bathroom with flashlights look for a light with. We basically looked like we were setting up a horror movie. Next thing I know. I look up and Whitney is just standing by the stalls staring at me which obviously does not help the situation. We didn't know the bathroom had an automatic air freshener. The air freshener goes off and Whitney bolts out the bathroom door. So I follow her out the door while laughing so hard that I can't breathe. It is then when we notice people are in the hallway studying and probably saw/heard everything. So we just awkwardly walk up to the great room.

After we get done in the great room, we decide to go back to the dorm. Whitney, in all of her sarcastic wisdom, decides to say, "Hey! Look at the full moon! All the crazies are going to be out!" I kid you not. Not even 15 seconds later we hear a group of girls scream at the top of their lungs and then a couple seconds after that we heard car tires screech. So, at the point, I'm freaking out fully convinced in my head were are about to be murdered. We walk to turn by the clock tower/ cafeteria area when the couple walking in front of us jumps back and screams. We look at the bushes and there is this raccoon running through all the bushes like a maniac. Whitney and I, instead of being mature college girls, scream at the top of our lungs and run through the clock tower while screaming. I just fall to the ground laughing. This night has just been a trial at this point. I watch the couple in front us try to brush off the fact that they screamed. Like, no. I heard you scream and jump backward. You can't brush it off. Anyways, Whitney and I decide to walk back to the dorm and I turn around to look back at the bushes and I see this raccoon running. I can't tell if it's running at us or if it's just running but I say "Whitney, that thing is still moving." I turn around to look at her and she is already running down the Ped Mall, so I start running to catch up with her. The Ped Mall is in one of the most open/populated places on campus, so you know people heard us scream and saw us run. We weren't running gracefully either. We finally cross the road when we turn around and see campus safety driving in the direction we came from. They probably thought someone got kidnapped with how loud our screams were. #SorryGuys.

All of this to say, I am so glad God brought me to Lee so that I could make friend that I feel comfortable enough around to walk around dark bathrooms and run away from rabid raccoons with.