To The Place That Made Me

To Hillcrest Christian School,

I do not know if you will ever know the impact you had on my life. I'm not sure if I ever portrayed how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to walk your halls. I've never forgotten the friends that I made or the teachers that I had. All that I can say right now is thank you.

Thank you, lunch staff. Thank you for the constant work you performed. Thank you for the days you let me have food even when I did not have enough money to pay for it.

Thank you, janitors. Thank you for keeping our school clean and doing your job with a smile.

Thank you, fellow students. Though not all of us got along and some of us have lost contact, you all were apart of some of the best years of my teenage life. The memories of homecoming parades, pageants, and even stressing over research papers together are memories that I will always cherish.

Thank you, teachers. If I were to name you all by name, this blog would be too long to read. Thank you for being excited about your job. Thank you for investing in me when I did not want to invest in myself. You all pushed me and prepared me for moments in my life I did not know I was going to have to be prepared for. Thank you for helping me develop my passion for history and for people. I get to go to Germany this summer to see places we talked about in class. I wouldn't have this opportunity if it wasn't for you all. Most of all, thank you for keeping in touch. Thank you for being friends after being my teachers. It's a rarity when you have faculty wanting to invest in your life even after high school.

Thank you, coaches. If I were to be completely honest, I hated basketball practices. I hated running. I hated the pressure of the game, because I never felt like I was going to be good enough. Thank you for teaching me that endurance is a key part of life and that being "good enough" doesn't matter as long as I do my best. Thank you for teaching me that sometimes I have to get up, dust myself off, and keep moving regardless of the circumstances that surround me.

Thank you, Dr. Prather. You always pushed me to be the best that I can be. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my testimony with my fellow classmates. Thank you for not only being a headmaster, but for being a person every student knew that they could turn to if life got hard. You rock, DP.

I do not know if all of my grammar is correct in this blog. I'm sure it'll be corrected, but as I sit in the library of Lee University almost in tears, I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Hillcrest Christian School. I am a 21 year old that has the confidence to say I know what I want to do with my life. This is because of how HCS has molded me.
Thank you, Hillcrest.

Sincerely,
A Future School Counselor

Vulnerable

Walls.

Codes.

Locked doors.

That's what people are. We are personified vaults. Inside, we store our valuables. Our dreams. Our stories. Our desires. We have everything we are and everything we hope to be locked up. These things are necessary for building relationships with others. We have to show people the real us, but it's so scary. We are afraid of being vulnerable.

Why does vulnerability have a negative connotation? When we hear the word vulnerable, we automatically think weak. The ability to be hurt is the only thing that consumes our minds. One would figure that would be a correct way of thinking. According to Webster's, the definition of vulnerable is "easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally." That's really intimidating to me. Think about it. It's like saying, "Here I am. You can hurt me now." That is the most terrifying thought in the world, but we have to be that way.

I found another definition of vulnerable that says "appearing as you are." We have to be ourselves. We have to stop acting like we are put together and perfect. I'm definitely not perfect and neither is anyone else on the earth. The key to opening up a person's vault is to be as you are. We must be vulnerable with others. To really get to know others and for others to really get to know us, we have to have the courage to be open for injury. We have to let friends know our deepest desires and fears. They have to know who we are, even with the possibility of being hurt. We have to say, "Here I am. You can hurt me now, but I care too much for you to show you anyone different."

Is that not what Christ portrayed while on earth? Vulnerability? He showed who He really was knowing He would be rejected by some. Some rejected Him so much that they put Him on a cross. He knew the danger of being open, but He did it any way. He cared too much for us to be pious. He is the example of who we need to be.

We have to be open vaults.

Here's To You, 2015

Am I the only one that can not believe that 2015 will be over at midnight? What a year it has been! I've seen so many reminiscing social media posts about this past year and it fills me with joy to see what my friends have accomplished. One theme that seems to be prominent in these posts is growth. I started thinking back on my year and I realized that 2015 was definitely a year of growth and change for me.

I had many times where I felt like I was looking at the sky from a deep valley. I lost some friends. I had nights where I would sit behind the School of Religion and cry. I had times where I didn't know who I was. I had times where I didn't know if life was worth it and I had many times where I felt lost. This all sounds pretty down hearted for the new year, but these times happen for everyone. Along with these moments though, I had moments where I felt like I could conquer the world.

These times were when I successfully finished all ten seasons of Friends on Netflix and developed a love for Chandler and Monica's relationship like you all can not believe. I made wonderful new friends who bring so much joy in my life. I started this blog. I learned my passion. I became apart of the Say Something leadership family where I developed my passion to help people with mental illnesses along with people who are just hurting. I learned that I am broken, but everyone else is also broken in some way. I realized that sometimes it's okay to say no and I learned how to stick up for myself. I learned who I am as a human being.

Looking back at 2015, I realize that we all have highs and we all have lows and the Lord is with us through all of it. Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So here's to you, 2015. You had some highs and you had some lows, but I count it all joy because boy, I sure did learn a lot. 2016, I am so excited for the moments that you will bring me.

Happy New Years, Readers. I hope it's full of growth, joy, and laughter. Remember that the Lord is with you.

A Letter To The Class That Proved Me Wrong

Dear Friends,

I can remember our first class period like it was yesterday. That's only because I had panicked for at least an hour before class. I knew how this class was going to go. Regardless of the fact that I went out of my comfort zone and took an acting class, knowing it would require me to be outgoing, I knew I was going to be the one... The one person that wasn't going to do something right. The one person that would make things awkward.

As class started, my worst fears were confirmed. We actually had to meet each other. We had to go up to each person and introduce ourselves and talk about our lives. My anxiety kicked in. All I wanted to do was leave and leave quickly, but I participated. I told the same thing to every person, "My name is Brook. My parents live in West Virginia. I like Georgia Football." Anytime the conversation got longer than that, I would be thrown off guard because I wasn't used to it. I wasn't used to walking into a class and actually having to get to know people. I'm used to walking in, being invisible, taking notes, and leaving. That's what I wanted to happen that day. I didn't want anyone to know me, because I knew they would find something wrong.

As the semester continued, we became closer and I began to realize that with y'all, I can be myself. We laughed together. We cried together. Most days we were just plain crazy with each other and I felt like I was with family through every minute of it. So as the semester comes to an end, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for proving me wrong and letting me know that I'm not a black sheep.

Thank you for making me build trust and for being trusting of me.

Thank you for making me feel safe.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Thank you for letting me know that's it okay to be awkward, but that I don't have to be awkward.

Thank you for proving to me that it's okay to be myself again.

Thank you for giving me the courage to start auditioning after I had promised myself I would never audition for anything else again.

Thank you for showing me what true community is.

Thank you for making this class something I looked forward to every Tuesday and Thursday.

This semester with you all has meant the world to me. Not only have I become a better actor, but I have become a better person. This is because of you all being yourselves. It is unlikely that we will have classes together again, but I have grown to truly love each one of you. As Thursday rolls around and we do our finals scenes and say goodbye (I'll get emotional. You can count on it.), I want you to remember this quote from the book Matched:

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that."

Sincerely,
The girl all in her feels on her recliner

A Letter to Paris

Dear City of Love,

I've been trying to think of what to say or if I needed to say anything at all. I've been trying to rationalize what has happened. I've been trying to think of eloquent words to portray how this has effected my community, but all I can say is I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you were shown everything but love. I'm sorry that evil reared its ugly head and you were the victim. I'm sorry that so many precious lives were lost. I'm sorry you no longer feel safe. I'm sorry the peace that you held so dear is shattered. I'm sorry walking the streets has become anxiety ridden instead of joyful. I'm sorry your families no longer feel comfortable in their homes. I'm sorry you are suffering, but most of all, I'm sorry about us.

I'm sorry it takes tragic events for us to care about people in other nations. I'm sorry we decided to pray for you after the attacks happened, but never thought about it before. I'm sorry we can continue with our normal lives, but you can't. I'm sorry we don't hold our loved ones near, a privilege that part of your population no longer has. I'm sorry we don't care for the people around us even though you have lost so many around you. I'm sorry we are trying to weigh the losses in other countries, when so many have lost so much. I'm sorry that our own political agendas get in the way of showing the love you were built on. I'm sorry we're selfish and though we recognize what has happened to you, we do not feel that it should apply to us. I'm sorry these things are never going to change, though I hope they will.

I hope that one day you can find peace again and I hope that we will be apart in giving you that peace. I hope one day your people can smile again. I hope that the day will come when joy becomes a prominent part of you lifestyle, but until that day, we love you. Know that #PrayforParis is more than a hashtag.

Sincerely,
A girl from across the waters

An Open Letter To The Person Who Doesn't Feel Enough

Dear Reader,

Enough is such an intimidating word, isn't it? I'd rather someone tell me they just don't like me rather beat around the bush and basically say, "You're just not enough." People may not say that word for word, but our minds sure do get what they are saying.

 I've been where you are. Actually, I am where you are, so let me relate to you. We are caught in the in-between. We feel as if we are on this teeter totter of "enoughness" and we never sway to either side. We are just stuck in the middle, feeling as if we are never going to be enough for anything. Thoughts are constantly racing through our head that end with the statement ", but am I enough?"

"I'm doing good in class, but am I smart enough?"

"I'd really like to get to know that person, but am I enough for them?"

"I'm trying out for something, but am I good enough?"

"I'm pretty, but am I pretty enough?"

"I'm funny, but am I funny enough?"

The list can go on and on about different things and different instances where we will dwell on if we are enough for something or someone. We feel like we almost make it. We're almost to the top, but we are just not quite... enough.

I'd like to tell you that we are enough. I'd like to say we just have to believe we are enough to be enough, but in actuality, we are not enough. We are never going to be enough. I realized this in the past couple of days. Let me give you a look into my life:

I decided to audition for a school play. If you know me at all, you know I just jump of the cliff of my comfort zone and am preparing my self to hit these jagged rocks at the bottom. I've been pacing my apartment. I've been calling my mom, who obviously keeps telling me I can't back out. Panic has made it's way into my body and this is all because I feel like I am not going to be enough. I might be good, but am I going to be good enough? It's constantly racing through my head and I finally came to realize that no, I am not going to be enough. I am not enough! I am not enough, on my own.

You see, we weren't made to be enough. God makes us enough. Actually, God makes us more than enough. So, regardless of how situations turn out and how people perceive us, if we follow the Lord, we are always going to be enough. One day, you'll find that person that thinks the stars were hung just for you, and you'll be enough. One day, you'll make this big break in your career, and you'll be enough. But until those days come, walk with your head high. Look people in the face and let them know that whatever they think or say about you will not phase you. Their words carry no weight because you are more than enough in the eyes of our Father and His words cancel out theirs.

With Love,
The Girl Who Is Enough

Try To Be A Ruth In A Orpah World

I attend a mentoring class on Wednesday nights and last night we studied on the story of Ruth. I am obsessed with this story! Everything about it just makes me swoon. It's like the best love story in the Bible besides the gospel (which can relate to the story of Ruth, but another day, another blog). When we first started studying this last night I realized two things. One, I want to be someone's Ruth. Two, Boaz is a stud. As we studied a little deeper though, I started to think about some things that I think can apply to how we should show love today and can apply to ladies who are trying to find their future spouse.

1. Do not leave your Naomi.
We don't hear much about Orpah. The only things that we know about her is that her husband died and that she left Naomi. In Orpah's defense, Naomi did tell her to leave. Wasn't Orpah just obeying? Unlike Orpah, Ruth clung to Naomi. Other than the fact that Naomi was her family now, I believe Ruth understood that Naomi was greiving. Orpah left regardless of the fact that Naomi was hurting. Orpah knew that this was about to be a rough ride. Have you noticed that today we have a whole lot of orpahs? When life gets hard for people and we don't understand what they are going through, we say the stereotypical "I'll pray for you", and then never really pray for them. Much less than that, we never actually go out of our way to help them through life. Do not let the hurting to hurt alone. Cling to them. Love them. Serve them. Be a light to the people around you.

2. Ruth wasn't looking for Boaz, but she was taking care of Naomi.
Ruth wasn't gleaning in Boaz's field because she knew it was Boaz's field. Ruth was gleaning the field because she knew she needed to take care of her mother in law, Naomi. Ruth shows the fact the love is an action. Gleaning was a difficult job and Ruth gleaned all day just to make sure Naomi had food to eat. Ruth's action of love attracted Boaz to her. It wasn't her looks or her status. While I do believe that it is important for us to take care of our selves, I believe our love for other people is more important. Our genuine love for others with attract others to us. I don't understand why this has become an foreign concept. To attract Godliness, we must strive to be Godly.

3. Your parents are important.
Ruth treated her mother in law like she was a queen. If it wasn't for Ruth's obedience to her mother in law, Ruth would have never gotten Boaz. Ruth would have never known that Boaz was the kinsman redeemer. Ruth wouldn't have went and laid at Boaz's feet because that was Naomi's idea in the first place. Ruth's obedience and love for her mother in law ushered in the man of God that was supposed to be in her life. That shouldn't be any different today. Your parents are wise. Your parents deserve respect. If you don't love and support your parents, why would God send the person you are supposed to marry if you can't respectfully love the family you already have? This just goes back to the idea that to attract Godliness, we must strive to be Godly.

Stop trying to look for Boaz and just love other people so God can bring your Boaz to you.