Here's To You, 2015

Am I the only one that can not believe that 2015 will be over at midnight? What a year it has been! I've seen so many reminiscing social media posts about this past year and it fills me with joy to see what my friends have accomplished. One theme that seems to be prominent in these posts is growth. I started thinking back on my year and I realized that 2015 was definitely a year of growth and change for me.

I had many times where I felt like I was looking at the sky from a deep valley. I lost some friends. I had nights where I would sit behind the School of Religion and cry. I had times where I didn't know who I was. I had times where I didn't know if life was worth it and I had many times where I felt lost. This all sounds pretty down hearted for the new year, but these times happen for everyone. Along with these moments though, I had moments where I felt like I could conquer the world.

These times were when I successfully finished all ten seasons of Friends on Netflix and developed a love for Chandler and Monica's relationship like you all can not believe. I made wonderful new friends who bring so much joy in my life. I started this blog. I learned my passion. I became apart of the Say Something leadership family where I developed my passion to help people with mental illnesses along with people who are just hurting. I learned that I am broken, but everyone else is also broken in some way. I realized that sometimes it's okay to say no and I learned how to stick up for myself. I learned who I am as a human being.

Looking back at 2015, I realize that we all have highs and we all have lows and the Lord is with us through all of it. Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So here's to you, 2015. You had some highs and you had some lows, but I count it all joy because boy, I sure did learn a lot. 2016, I am so excited for the moments that you will bring me.

Happy New Years, Readers. I hope it's full of growth, joy, and laughter. Remember that the Lord is with you.

A Letter To The Class That Proved Me Wrong

Dear Friends,

I can remember our first class period like it was yesterday. That's only because I had panicked for at least an hour before class. I knew how this class was going to go. Regardless of the fact that I went out of my comfort zone and took an acting class, knowing it would require me to be outgoing, I knew I was going to be the one... The one person that wasn't going to do something right. The one person that would make things awkward.

As class started, my worst fears were confirmed. We actually had to meet each other. We had to go up to each person and introduce ourselves and talk about our lives. My anxiety kicked in. All I wanted to do was leave and leave quickly, but I participated. I told the same thing to every person, "My name is Brook. My parents live in West Virginia. I like Georgia Football." Anytime the conversation got longer than that, I would be thrown off guard because I wasn't used to it. I wasn't used to walking into a class and actually having to get to know people. I'm used to walking in, being invisible, taking notes, and leaving. That's what I wanted to happen that day. I didn't want anyone to know me, because I knew they would find something wrong.

As the semester continued, we became closer and I began to realize that with y'all, I can be myself. We laughed together. We cried together. Most days we were just plain crazy with each other and I felt like I was with family through every minute of it. So as the semester comes to an end, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for proving me wrong and letting me know that I'm not a black sheep.

Thank you for making me build trust and for being trusting of me.

Thank you for making me feel safe.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Thank you for letting me know that's it okay to be awkward, but that I don't have to be awkward.

Thank you for proving to me that it's okay to be myself again.

Thank you for giving me the courage to start auditioning after I had promised myself I would never audition for anything else again.

Thank you for showing me what true community is.

Thank you for making this class something I looked forward to every Tuesday and Thursday.

This semester with you all has meant the world to me. Not only have I become a better actor, but I have become a better person. This is because of you all being yourselves. It is unlikely that we will have classes together again, but I have grown to truly love each one of you. As Thursday rolls around and we do our finals scenes and say goodbye (I'll get emotional. You can count on it.), I want you to remember this quote from the book Matched:

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that."

Sincerely,
The girl all in her feels on her recliner

A Letter to Paris

Dear City of Love,

I've been trying to think of what to say or if I needed to say anything at all. I've been trying to rationalize what has happened. I've been trying to think of eloquent words to portray how this has effected my community, but all I can say is I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you were shown everything but love. I'm sorry that evil reared its ugly head and you were the victim. I'm sorry that so many precious lives were lost. I'm sorry you no longer feel safe. I'm sorry the peace that you held so dear is shattered. I'm sorry walking the streets has become anxiety ridden instead of joyful. I'm sorry your families no longer feel comfortable in their homes. I'm sorry you are suffering, but most of all, I'm sorry about us.

I'm sorry it takes tragic events for us to care about people in other nations. I'm sorry we decided to pray for you after the attacks happened, but never thought about it before. I'm sorry we can continue with our normal lives, but you can't. I'm sorry we don't hold our loved ones near, a privilege that part of your population no longer has. I'm sorry we don't care for the people around us even though you have lost so many around you. I'm sorry we are trying to weigh the losses in other countries, when so many have lost so much. I'm sorry that our own political agendas get in the way of showing the love you were built on. I'm sorry we're selfish and though we recognize what has happened to you, we do not feel that it should apply to us. I'm sorry these things are never going to change, though I hope they will.

I hope that one day you can find peace again and I hope that we will be apart in giving you that peace. I hope one day your people can smile again. I hope that the day will come when joy becomes a prominent part of you lifestyle, but until that day, we love you. Know that #PrayforParis is more than a hashtag.

Sincerely,
A girl from across the waters

An Open Letter To The Person Who Doesn't Feel Enough

Dear Reader,

Enough is such an intimidating word, isn't it? I'd rather someone tell me they just don't like me rather beat around the bush and basically say, "You're just not enough." People may not say that word for word, but our minds sure do get what they are saying.

 I've been where you are. Actually, I am where you are, so let me relate to you. We are caught in the in-between. We feel as if we are on this teeter totter of "enoughness" and we never sway to either side. We are just stuck in the middle, feeling as if we are never going to be enough for anything. Thoughts are constantly racing through our head that end with the statement ", but am I enough?"

"I'm doing good in class, but am I smart enough?"

"I'd really like to get to know that person, but am I enough for them?"

"I'm trying out for something, but am I good enough?"

"I'm pretty, but am I pretty enough?"

"I'm funny, but am I funny enough?"

The list can go on and on about different things and different instances where we will dwell on if we are enough for something or someone. We feel like we almost make it. We're almost to the top, but we are just not quite... enough.

I'd like to tell you that we are enough. I'd like to say we just have to believe we are enough to be enough, but in actuality, we are not enough. We are never going to be enough. I realized this in the past couple of days. Let me give you a look into my life:

I decided to audition for a school play. If you know me at all, you know I just jump of the cliff of my comfort zone and am preparing my self to hit these jagged rocks at the bottom. I've been pacing my apartment. I've been calling my mom, who obviously keeps telling me I can't back out. Panic has made it's way into my body and this is all because I feel like I am not going to be enough. I might be good, but am I going to be good enough? It's constantly racing through my head and I finally came to realize that no, I am not going to be enough. I am not enough! I am not enough, on my own.

You see, we weren't made to be enough. God makes us enough. Actually, God makes us more than enough. So, regardless of how situations turn out and how people perceive us, if we follow the Lord, we are always going to be enough. One day, you'll find that person that thinks the stars were hung just for you, and you'll be enough. One day, you'll make this big break in your career, and you'll be enough. But until those days come, walk with your head high. Look people in the face and let them know that whatever they think or say about you will not phase you. Their words carry no weight because you are more than enough in the eyes of our Father and His words cancel out theirs.

With Love,
The Girl Who Is Enough

Try To Be A Ruth In A Orpah World

I attend a mentoring class on Wednesday nights and last night we studied on the story of Ruth. I am obsessed with this story! Everything about it just makes me swoon. It's like the best love story in the Bible besides the gospel (which can relate to the story of Ruth, but another day, another blog). When we first started studying this last night I realized two things. One, I want to be someone's Ruth. Two, Boaz is a stud. As we studied a little deeper though, I started to think about some things that I think can apply to how we should show love today and can apply to ladies who are trying to find their future spouse.

1. Do not leave your Naomi.
We don't hear much about Orpah. The only things that we know about her is that her husband died and that she left Naomi. In Orpah's defense, Naomi did tell her to leave. Wasn't Orpah just obeying? Unlike Orpah, Ruth clung to Naomi. Other than the fact that Naomi was her family now, I believe Ruth understood that Naomi was greiving. Orpah left regardless of the fact that Naomi was hurting. Orpah knew that this was about to be a rough ride. Have you noticed that today we have a whole lot of orpahs? When life gets hard for people and we don't understand what they are going through, we say the stereotypical "I'll pray for you", and then never really pray for them. Much less than that, we never actually go out of our way to help them through life. Do not let the hurting to hurt alone. Cling to them. Love them. Serve them. Be a light to the people around you.

2. Ruth wasn't looking for Boaz, but she was taking care of Naomi.
Ruth wasn't gleaning in Boaz's field because she knew it was Boaz's field. Ruth was gleaning the field because she knew she needed to take care of her mother in law, Naomi. Ruth shows the fact the love is an action. Gleaning was a difficult job and Ruth gleaned all day just to make sure Naomi had food to eat. Ruth's action of love attracted Boaz to her. It wasn't her looks or her status. While I do believe that it is important for us to take care of our selves, I believe our love for other people is more important. Our genuine love for others with attract others to us. I don't understand why this has become an foreign concept. To attract Godliness, we must strive to be Godly.

3. Your parents are important.
Ruth treated her mother in law like she was a queen. If it wasn't for Ruth's obedience to her mother in law, Ruth would have never gotten Boaz. Ruth would have never known that Boaz was the kinsman redeemer. Ruth wouldn't have went and laid at Boaz's feet because that was Naomi's idea in the first place. Ruth's obedience and love for her mother in law ushered in the man of God that was supposed to be in her life. That shouldn't be any different today. Your parents are wise. Your parents deserve respect. If you don't love and support your parents, why would God send the person you are supposed to marry if you can't respectfully love the family you already have? This just goes back to the idea that to attract Godliness, we must strive to be Godly.

Stop trying to look for Boaz and just love other people so God can bring your Boaz to you.

Your Steps Are Ordered: A Story From A Girl With Social Anxiety

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." Psalms 37:23

If you know me to any extent, you know how introverted and shy I am. I can know someone for a year and still over think every word that I want to say to them even if it is just "hello." Struggling with social anxiety is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's different for everyone, but for me it's prevalent when I am in places with a lot of people. Just to be completely open, my first thought is that no one where I am loves, cares, or much less deems me worthy of anything. I struggle with this every day. It takes a lot out of me to just say hello to friends I pass on the side walk or go to events on campus. It feels like I'm constantly pushing myself to do things my body physically refuses to do.

I constantly have to renew my mind. I have to always remind myself that I am created in God's image. There is nothing wrong with me and my life has worth. I push myself to be more social. I push myself to go to events because I am not called to let my anxiety control me. My anxiety is not me. God has shown me recently that my steps are not in vain. If you know any of my close friends, they'll tell you that my new saying is "the steps of a righteous man are ordered." I say it at least once a day. Anxiety acting up? The steps of a righteous man are ordered. Feel out of place? The steps of a righteous man are ordered. 

I type all of this to say that my steps are not the only steps that are ordered. Your steps are ordered. Your family's steps are ordered. Your children's steps are ordered. It may seem like worry and anxiety are taking over your life, but take a deep breath and grasp the peace that the Lord gives us freely because your steps are ordered and your life is not in vain. Your life has worth. Your calling has worth. Your worth is not found in the people in this world, so we have to stop comparing our personalities, our callings and our struggles with other people because we do not have any control over what other people are called to do or how God has ordered their life. We need to take joy and find peace in the knowledge that when we feel like our life is just going through the motions or when life is chaotic and it seems like it is going to over run us, our life is ordered by the God who told the oceans where to stop and told the sun when to rise and set. So when you feel like your life has no meaning and that you are out of place, look where you are planted and know that you are there for a reason. Your life has brought you to this moment, what are you going to do with it?

But, Don't You Know You Are Wanted?

Jesus has been messing me up for the past couple of days. I've been focusing so much on how, as people, we have this desire to feel wanted. Rather you're an introvert or extrovert, male or female, theology major or psychology major, in school or out of school, we all have this over whelming desire to feel wanted. Unfortunately, most of the time we feel unwanted even if we are surrounded by people that do want us. We have this perception of how it looks when someone wants us and when that vision isn't met, we automatically shut down and believe no one wants us at all or at least I do. For an introvert (because I am one) example, do any of you know of someone and you know you would make awesome friends but you don't talk to them and they don't talk to you so your automatic thought is that they don't what to be your friend at all? If you said no to that question, you're lying and you need to go repent. My point is we think no one wants us at all because our perception of being wanted isn't met, but God blows our perception of being wanted out of the water and we ignore it. 

This statement hit me like a train at 2:30am this past Saturday. I was at an event called All Night Prayer put on by a college ministry here in Cleveland. We were taking communion and scenes from The Passion of the Christ were playing on a screen that was in the front of the sanctuary. As I'm cringing at the site of the crucifixion, a thought came across my mind. Jesus did not die on the cross for me to focus on being wanted by other people. Are we not worth more than the thoughts of other people? At this point, I'm feeling overwhelmingly guilty and am sobbing and hyperventilating in my chair. I mean, I had already been crying through out the communion session, but I was hard core, when Mufasa died in the Lion King, sobbing. It got so bad that I went to the back of the sanctuary, dropped to my knees, sobbed, and prayed for a good 45 minutes. After I got done praying, I stood up and worshipped. As I stood there, I heard the Lord say, "It's okay to want to be wanted. It's okay to have a desires. It's not okay to want that more than you want Me." That's when it hit me (after I doubled over and sobbed again), God wants us more than anyone on this planet could ever or ever will want us. He wants us to have the desires of our hearts, but our desires are not more important than the God who gave us those desires.

Have you ever thought about how much God focuses in on us? Do you realize everything was made to praise God? The wind. The rain. Lightning. Insects. Birds. Lions. Everything. Everything was made to praise the Lord, and yet, He doesn't focus on them. I'm sure God enjoys and loves to hear the praises of everything He has created, but He focuses on us. We are more important than all of His creations. He hears our groans of pain. He hears our cheers of joy. He is constantly working and making everything out for our good and working on giving us the desires of our hearts in His timing. Don't let your desires be more important than the Creator who gave you those desires. 

Finding Unity in Brokenness

The ideas of unity and brokenness have both been on my mind lately. Mostly because small group kickoff was about brokenness and Resonate was about being one. (If you aren't a Lee student and have no idea what I am talking about, message me. I'll fill you in.) These two things are so contradictory to one another. Unity means being one and being one means being whole. This is the complete opposite of brokenness because when you are broken, you're, well, broken. You're not whole. You're not put together. The longer I dwell on these ideas though, the more I realize they aren't as opposite as one would think.

Let's just take our culture for an example right now. When we look at other people, or see other people's posts on social media, we perceive them as being whole. We compare our lives to other people's lives because we automatically think that we are the only broken person in the world. This idea is completely untrue. Every single person that walks the face of this planet is broken. We are all broken in different ways, but we don't take time to recognize other people's brokenness, much less be transparent enough to show our own brokenness. What if we did though? What if instead of having that cliche "hey. how are you? I'm good." conversation, we actually built relationships? Shared our struggles? Shared our pain? Lifted others up when they are broken down? What would the body of Christ look like and outside of that, what would society look like as a whole?

This is when I thought of finding unity even in our brokenness. I started thinking of a stain glass window. A stain glass window is perceived as one of the most beautiful parts of a building. Whenever a building has one, it's what its known for. "Which building is *insert name of building*?" "Oh. It's the building with the stain glass window." The funny thing is though, a stain glass window is just a bunch of different pieces of broken glass put together. It is different colors, different jagged edges, different degrees of brokenness being seen as beautiful. It is being seen as whole and as one. That's how we should be. We should be binding together with other broken people to lift each other up, to help lift other broken people up, so we can be one through the love of Jesus that has made our collective brokenness whole. So, do you want to be whole, or do you want to be a piece of broken glass?

Cheers Summer 2015

Last night, I had to say goodbye to people I got close to this summer. As I sobbed for the whole 45 minute drive home, I started to reminisce on this past summer and how different it was compared to the summer of 2014.
During the summer of 2014, I didn't want to get close to anyone. Since I am a pastor's kid, putting up walls and pushing people away is something I taught myself to do to protect myself. Why get close to people if you're just going to move, right? So, I wasn't the friendliest human being.
This summer was completely different and I am so glad. I feel like I have become a stronger person in my faith and in general because of my experiences and because of the people I have gotten close to.  So this blog isn't really a lot of words. I mean I could go into detail about the people who changed me. I could rave about the wonderful girls I counseled at camp, but I figured showing you might be the best way. Below are a lot of pictures of people that mean a lot to me. These pictures most of you have probably seen on social media before, but hey, I'm a sentimental person.

So cheers to you, Summer 2015. You'll have a special place in my heart. 

*insert end credits and silent sobs*

To The Person Who Feels Forever Alone

Just to be open and real with everyone, this has been me for the past two weeks. I felt like God honestly didn't care whether or not I found "the one" and if I were to be completely honest, I felt like God just wanted to trick me into being interested in someone just for it to be ripped away. Here I was a 20 year old crying in the middle of a kids camp service (actually 2 kids camp services. Minor details.) because I felt unloved and forgotten. I don't know how it is for guys, but for girls, I know that when we are single for a long period of time, we think something is wrong with us. Something about us is turning all the men away and pushing them toward all the other girls around us. We all have a plan of when we want to find the right person. For instance, mine was to meet my future husband before I was 20 so we could date for at least 2 years in college, get engaged my senior year at Lee, and get married the summer after I graduate. Unfortunately, this isn't a post that ends with me finding my future husband at the camp I was at for 3 weeks and strolling through the camp ground hand in hand. Here I am about to turn 21 in a few months and I'm single. I'm starting to realize that my plan is not God's plan and thank goodness it's not. If it was, I would currently be married to Nick Jonas and living the dream. I know I am not the only person that feels like this so I just wanted to share what God has reminded me these past couple of weeks.

1. You are not forgotten
God has not written you out of his plan. He hasn't forgotten you. His thoughts about you are all about how much he loves you and cares about you. His thoughts are completely different from the thoughts you have about yourself. When God says wait, it doesn't mean no. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." We have to stop constantly thinking these horrible thoughts about ourselves because we feel like God doesn't have a plan for us. He does, and sometimes his plan is just to wait. Take in the moment you are in and not dwell on the future so much.

2. Stop Worrying
I constantly worry. It's a huge problem. This past week was no different. Actually, it was a little worse. I was continually worrying about finding the right person because I felt like everyone else was finding the right person. Matthew 6:33-34 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." A friend of mine kind of put it all in perspective for me. He asked me if I had the desire to get married. I said that I did, then he responded that it would happen in time because God wouldn't give me the desire to get married and have a family if he didn't want that for me. We have to wait for the Lord's timing.

3. Guard Your Heart
I had another friend tell this to me this week. If you know me, it took everything within me not to turn into an emotional wreck right then and there. (I did turn into an emotional wreck. Just not in public.) I feel like we are all wanting to find the right person so bad that we just cling to the first person that shows interest in us or assume someone is the person we are supposed to marry because we are already dating them. That's what I did and something I have to constantly check myself on. Your heart isn't something that should be played with. It's something precious and valuable. It should be given to someone who cares about it more than you do. Don't constantly keep giving your heart away. A person will come along that will take care of it and we all have to wait for that moment.

3 Reasons Why You're Not As Special As You Think

*insert sarcastic Dean face for emotional build up*

Are we as special as we think we are? God loves us right? Of course God loves us. Why do you think you're alive, but on the other hand, aren't other people alive too? (If you responded no to this, sorry to break it to you, we aren't in The Walking Dead.) God loves you, but he doesn't love you anymore than he loves the homeless man down the street. God doesn't pick favorites. This has been on my mind lately. I've been thinking about if we are as special as we think we are (including myself). I've thought of a few things that might help us out.

1. It's not about you.

Where did this mindset of everyone has to see what I do come from? When did posting a biblical Facebook status become more important than being benevolent? We aren't Christians so that we can be recognized. Your talents are from God. Your dreams are from God. Your words are from God, so being seen just for the sake of being seen shouldn't be a priority. John 7:18 states, "Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him." We should start striving to do what God tells us to do not for the sake of being seen or applause, but just because God told us to do it.

2. It's not about you

(I hope you're starting to see a theme.) Everyone has an opinion. Literally, everyone. This means your opinion isn't going to match with everyone else's opinion on the planet. Since when did deciding if a church should offer food or should not offer food on Wednesdays become such a big deal? Or having music before the sermon or after the sermon? Honestly, I don't think Jesus cares, unless he straight up told you. If the pastor or youth pastor want to have food on Wednesdays, do it. If not, then don't. (This is all hypothetical.) You are under a person that God has placed in authority. You may disagree with them, but God ordained for them to be there. If they aren't doing their job correctly, God will take care of it. It's not your job. Romans 12:19 says, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." The whole reason we are on the earth is to tell people about Christ. Our opinions over which translation of the Bible to read shouldn't matter. This leads me to my last point.

3. It. Is. Not. About. You. 

or me. or your pastor. or the televangelist. or your role model. It's all about Jesus. God sent his only son to die for everyone to have eternal if they believe in him. So shouldn't we be showing the love of God instead of trying to be famous in the eyes of man or arguing over things that aren't important?

#BeltItLikeBeckham

This is my second blog post about Clark and I am not ashamed. Once again, I'm trying not to make this post sound like I'm fangirling (which I totally am but that's besides the point). As a Lee University student and being apart of the COG since I was born, I am incredibly proud of how Clark has represented himself.

Honestly, I am so glad that a man of God is in the top 2 of American Idol. His positivity and humbleness is so refreshing to see on television. He is setting an example for the world to see. I mean have you seen his social media posts?! One of his tweets from tonight said, "I thank God for where I am and for all of you and I must say, it's a big responsibility, but I would be honored to be your next American Idol."

Who does that? If I was on American Idol most of my tweets would consist of nervous break downs and/or really really terrible jokes. His composure is something that most people don't have and his love of the Lord is incredible. I had a friend recently say how tired they were about hearing about Clark and maybe there other people that feel the same way, but no one can deny the impact that Clark has made. His character reminds me of the verse Luke 14:11, "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

All of this swooning over Clark to say that he is setting an incredible example for us. Challenging us to be humble and to show love in a world that needs it. Isn't it what we are supposed to do? Aren't we supposed to get out of our comfort zones for the sole purpose of showing the love of Christ to those who need it? According to 1 Corinthians 16:14, we must do everything in love. Who knows the amount of people Clark has touched just by being the man God has called him to be.

So as the finale of American Idol nears,(It's tomorrow night, y'all. Vote for Clark like crazy.) I'd like to wish Clark good luck (again). Whether he wins or not, he is a champion just because of the example he is setting for everyone.

The Night of the Rabid Raccoon

Let me just type about how weird my night was last night. It was arguably the weirdest night I have had so far being a Lee. The creepy picture of the evil genius raccoon will be explained shortly, but let me just start from the beginning.

Last night was the last night of finals week. (PRAISE!) My friend, Whitney, and I were about to go get dinner when she calls me to come to her dorm. I get in there and she has one stink bug trapped under a bowl and another one is chilling by the window. Y'all. I hate bugs. HATE THEM. Whitney needed help getting them out though so I go and get a wet paper towel and put soap on it to grab them. Well, I, being the easily frightened person that I am, can not seem to grab these things. I'd go up to them and then squeal and freeze. It was a horrible experience. We finally resulted in coaxing these flying demons out of the room by opening the window and pushing them out with bowls. Please imagine two sophomores in college walking around a dorm room with bowls and wet paper towels covered in soap. It was an interesting situation.

Well, we went to dinner and came back to her dorm to study. Obviously, we weren't really studying. We were lip syncing to Jonas Brothers and talking about random things. All of a sudden, I hear a buzzing noise. My thought process is, "Oh lord... Please Jesus don't let it be one of those winged demons again." Of course it was. It was another stink bug. This one was smart though. It stayed on the ceiling so that we couldn't catch it. I wasn't taking it. Whitney and I decided to move to library. Nothing really bad happened at the library. We should have just stayed there, but of course I wanted caffeine. We decided to go to the SMC (Lee building lingo). This is when all the fun started.

We get to the SMC and decide to go to the bathroom before we head up to the great room. (no really. Thats the name of it. The great room.) We walking in the bathroom and all the lights are off. So I just shut the door and turn my phone flashlight on. For some reason, Lee did not put a light switch in this bathroom. So Whitney and I are just wondering around this pitch black bathroom with flashlights look for a light with. We basically looked like we were setting up a horror movie. Next thing I know. I look up and Whitney is just standing by the stalls staring at me which obviously does not help the situation. We didn't know the bathroom had an automatic air freshener. The air freshener goes off and Whitney bolts out the bathroom door. So I follow her out the door while laughing so hard that I can't breathe. It is then when we notice people are in the hallway studying and probably saw/heard everything. So we just awkwardly walk up to the great room.

After we get done in the great room, we decide to go back to the dorm. Whitney, in all of her sarcastic wisdom, decides to say, "Hey! Look at the full moon! All the crazies are going to be out!" I kid you not. Not even 15 seconds later we hear a group of girls scream at the top of their lungs and then a couple seconds after that we heard car tires screech. So, at the point, I'm freaking out fully convinced in my head were are about to be murdered. We walk to turn by the clock tower/ cafeteria area when the couple walking in front of us jumps back and screams. We look at the bushes and there is this raccoon running through all the bushes like a maniac. Whitney and I, instead of being mature college girls, scream at the top of our lungs and run through the clock tower while screaming. I just fall to the ground laughing. This night has just been a trial at this point. I watch the couple in front us try to brush off the fact that they screamed. Like, no. I heard you scream and jump backward. You can't brush it off. Anyways, Whitney and I decide to walk back to the dorm and I turn around to look back at the bushes and I see this raccoon running. I can't tell if it's running at us or if it's just running but I say "Whitney, that thing is still moving." I turn around to look at her and she is already running down the Ped Mall, so I start running to catch up with her. The Ped Mall is in one of the most open/populated places on campus, so you know people heard us scream and saw us run. We weren't running gracefully either. We finally cross the road when we turn around and see campus safety driving in the direction we came from. They probably thought someone got kidnapped with how loud our screams were. #SorryGuys.

All of this to say, I am so glad God brought me to Lee so that I could make friend that I feel comfortable enough around to walk around dark bathrooms and run away from rabid raccoons with.

Our GroupMe Picture Is An Old Lady

The pictures above is some of the wonderful ladies I have had the pleasure of living on the same hall with this year. It describes us perfectly. We're just one big happy, quirky family. Tonight, we had our last big get together. (Whoever picked Aubrey's as the go to place, thank you. It's was delicious.) As I sit in my dorm room on my last Saturday night at Lee, I want to "blog out" (I guess?) some of the thoughts I had tonight.

It's hard to believe that 10 months ago we were all meeting for the time in the lounge. We were all nervous, scared, and some of us awkward (aka me). Our RA, Jordan, told us told us we were going to say our names, majors, and where we are from. (If you are not in college, you will do this at least 10 times your first year at a university. Trust me.) We all started making sure we knew exactly where we were from. Making sure we didn't mess up or do anything embarrassing. We all wanted to make a good impression. We all weren't really sure if we were going to like Lee or not, yet.

As the year continued, we got more comfortable with each other. We went through some changes. We had some wonderful people leave and some equally amazing people join. Eventually, we became a family. I don't know what I would have done without our family. From the night Kiersten, Tati, and I were talking in their room and realized it was two in the morning to the time I broke down in small group because Spring Convocation turning me into a puddle of tears, I just want to thank all of you for being exactly who you are and being there for one another. I know others feel the same. Because of this hall, I have learned to love unconditionally. Our hall wouldn't have been as amazing if we all tried to stay to ourselves. There is nothing like making friends that you know will last a lifetime.

So as this year comes to a close and we all start to go our separate ways, this year will have a special place in our hearts. We may not be living together next year, but we will always have each other. I wish you all the best summer ever and a successful journey at Lee. I"ll just end this with a quote.

"And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!” - Dr. Seuss

Another Day, Another Paper

I wasn't really sure what picture to choose for this post so I looked up a picture of the eternal flame here at Lee. Just cause... well.... it looks cool. If you've read my first post, you know that it was a paper for a class. Well, this post is a paper for the same class about what I learned while doing community service hours. I just wanted to share it, so here it is:


If I were completely honest, I was really stressed when I found out we had to complete ten community service hours on our own. This wasn’t because I didn’t want to do them. It was because I didn't know when I was going to find the time to do them or where to do them at. Also, I’m a pretty introverted and awkward human being, so going anywhere by myself automatically makes me freak out. When I finally decided to do my service, I decided to go to the LUDIC school for children with autism. My life was changed when I went to LUDIC.
LUDIC is here on Lee’s campus. It is located right behind Pangle Hall. I had been to LUDIC before I did community service hours for this class. The difference was that the first time that I went, I never got to work with the children. I was helping take down decorations and putting other decorations back up. When I did community service this time, at first I watched a video and wrote down everything the people said and did in the video. This helps children with autism learn. They have to have the same schedule everyday. Watching the same video over and over again helps them learn more about social skills and what is appropriate conducts in certain areas.
After I wrote down notes on the video, Mrs. Tammy, the director of LUDIC, gave me one of the kids to swing. LUDIC has this room called the swing room. In the middle of this room, there is a big home made swing attached to the ceiling. This is to swing the children because certain sensations calm them down. Mrs. Tammy gave me one of the children who was having a little fit. His name is Jonas. At first, I was really worried. I didn’t feel like I was qualified to be with Jonas alone. After a while though, Jonas and I started to have a little fun. Jonas wouldn't swing at first. He would swing and then stop and have a fit. After a while, I asked Jonas if he wanted me to swing him high. Mrs. Tammy told me the higher I can swing him the better. Jonas didn’t answer so I told him that when we get to swing, it is like we get to fly. He liked that and told me to swing him really high. As I swung him as high as possible, I started making an airplane sound like his was flying. He later started copying me. He also would count and say words that rhymed. For example, he would say, “cat” and then he would say, “hat”. Jonas was having the time of his life. He was grinning ear to ear the whole time. With this instance, I started to understand the love and the joy of Christ a little better.
I don’t know if it was that Jonas was having so much fun or that I was getting to have fun with him, but I felt so much joy in that room. Jonas and I couldn’t have a really good conversation. He understood me, but he could only say a limited amount of things to me. Regardless of that though, we had so much fun. We laughed together. We both acted like air planes together. It was the most fun I had had in a while and also relieved a little stress off of me in the midst of the end of the semester chaos. Basically, this changed every fear I had about being with the children at the LUDIC center. It eliminated every obsession I had with doing everything right when I got there. Jonas melted my heart.
Another little boy that melted my heart was Christian. Christian is around 5 or 6 and has down syndrome and severe autism. I was partnered with Christian the last two days of my service. I had to help Christian clap along to songs and play with toys. The first day I was with him, he decided to cuddle with me while we listened to the story for the day. I obviously had to pretend that I wasn’t falling in love with this little guy on the spot. Later, Christian and I went and jumped on trampolines. Christian can’t jump by himself, so I would have to bounce him. At the end of my first day with Christian, I had to help him eat. Christian had to eat at a separate table from the rest of the children in his class. I wasn’t really told why. The way he would tell me what he wanted to eat from his lunch box is he would pick out a picture of the food he wanted to eat with the food’s name on it. For instance, if he wanted to eat chips, he would hand me a picture of chips with the word chips on it. I would say, “I want chips,” and then I would hand him chips. It was a long process, but it was how he learned. The second day I got to work with Christian, I walked in and he was watching a movie. He got so excited when he saw me which made me excited. I went and sat next to him and he grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers and started rocking with my arm in his arms.
I have never seen the love of Christ portrayed like it was portrayed by the children at the LUDIC center. Every child that I came in contact with had this look of love and excitement in their eyes that I have never seen to that magnitude before. Like Adam, the little boy I met as I was walking out my last day at LUDIC, who was so eager to ask me my name and if I spoke another language and if I liked Chinese food because he liked Chinese food. I have never experienced someone wanting to ask all about who I was in such an excited way before. So I guess what I am trying to say is, out of all the minor things I learned at LUDIC like how to take care of a certain child, I learned one major thing and that was how to love.

Must Love The Georgia Bulldogs

I wonder how many people opened this thinking I was putting up an application to be my boyfriend with all of the requirements I want. Y'all, I'm not that crazy or picky. The picture above is my dream, though. If I could get engaged at the Georgia Bulldogs stadium, that would probably be better that the actual wedding for me. #GoDawgs

Finding someone is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I don't know if it's the end of the semester stress or that fact that it's spring and I don't even have a guy considering giving me a ring. People younger than me are getting engaged and for some reason I am legitimately jealous. My sister and I have this thing where we look up at the sky and say, "Hey, God. Where he at?" (Horrible grammar. Apologies to any english teacher reading.) In all honesty though, it's how I feel. Where is he? I want to find the guy that will go with me to Georgia games and scream until we don't have our voices or be able to be typical college students together and go hiking and enjoy God's creation. Where is the guy that will take me being awkward and an introvert as a strength and is passionate about the Lord? All of these things have been running through my head lately. I've been wondering if God has created me to be a Church of God nun or something. It's frustrating, but then I start to think about the other people on campus.

There are probably hundreds of girls on Lee's campus that feel the exact same way that I do (maybe not about the Georgia Bulldogs, but hey, I don't judge). There are probably guys on campus that are looking for that one girl as well. We all want that person and we are all searching as hard as we can to find them, but should it be that stressful? Why do we believe that our lives are not complete until we find the special someone? For some reason a simple passage comes to my head when I think about this. Galatians 5: 22-23, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against these things there is no law."

All of the fruits of the Spirit are pretty relaxing words. None of these words cause me to freak out with stress which is pretty surprising because I freak out with stress over everything. So, who says we can't be this relaxed and peaceful person until we find "the one"? It's a challenge, but we all have to learn to have peace and dwell in the moment regardless of the situation around us. For all we know, God could be calling us to do something for his kingdom at this specific moment that we couldn't do if we were in a relationship. And when the time comes, we will find that special person because God wants us to have the desires of our hearts. So instead of worrying about ring by spring or just finding a bae by May, take joy in what is already around you.

Worship Night or Nah?

So, I did something crazy tonight.....well, crazy for me.  I went to a worship night on campus put on by a greek club. It was really good and I'm so glad that I went, but let me take you through the process of what went on before and after tonight.

Ever since I have heard of worship night, I've wanted to go, but I've never had anyone to go with me. Also, if you know me or have read any of my blogs, you know I'm a pretty introverted and awkward human being. So I haven't ever gone to avoid creating an awkward situation for me or anyone around me. Lately, I've had a change in my mindset. I got the email that worship night was happening tonight and I thought "Well hey. Bite the bullet. You love Jesus. They love Jesus. What can go wrong?" SO I texted my friend and told her we were going. Literally, I told her. Asking was not involved. (I'm so polite sometimes.) As it got closer for the time to leave, I started regretting my decision to go. I'm at the sink in my bathroom frantically trying to look decent because I don't want to make a bad impression on these people that I don't/barely know. My friend and I start walking to the lecture hall where this event is held. With every step that I took, I kept thinking "Why are you going? They don't actually want you here." I honestly just wanted to turn around and go back to my dorm, but at this point I'm already in the building and there would be no reason to turn around. As I'm trying to awkwardly avoid walking in the lecture hall, I start having a panic attack (shocker.) It got to the point where I couldn't feel my feet. That's really weird, but I wasn't for sure if I could walk or not. My friend who was with me says "well, I feel like we are more awkward standing out here than we would be sit in there." She was obviously right.

We go in to the lecture hall and all I'm doing is telling myself to leave. I started thinking to myself that I'm not actually in this greek club. Why am I here? Like, I have made the biggest mistake of my college career. (I'm a girl. I over react.) As the worship night continues though, I get more comfortable and feel more welcomed and I started to realize that it doesn't matter. I may be an introvert, but it doesn't matter. They may be a greek club, but it doesn't matter. Worship isn't about who I am or what I think. It's about praising the one who loves us so much. If this greek club didn't want me to join in their worship, they wouldn't have invited everyone to come. So regardless of what the campus mindset towards greek clubs is, I would like to thank this greek club for breaking the mold and inviting everyone to be involved in their worship. How blessed are we to go to a school where we can have corporate worship nights like this?

Before I die, I want to. . .

A couple of days ago, I was walking on the greenway here in Cleveland. It's a pretty popular thing here in the spring. It's relaxing. It lets us college students take a break from losing our minds and enjoy nature. I was trying to be a typical college student. Enjoy nature. Enjoy Netflix. It's what we do. 

Anyways, I was walking on the greenway and I walked past this cool sign. It was a sign that had columns of the phrase "Before I die I want to. . ." and then there was a blank for people to write what they wanted to do before they died. I thought it was a neat idea. Let me include one of the funnier responses. "Before I die I want to marry 5 SOS." If you don't know what 5 SOS is, it is a band. Obviously, this person can not marry all five of them, but keep your goals high! I respect that. I wanted to marry the Jonas Brothers back in the day. It could still happen. Most of the rest of the responses were not really PG material, much less G material, so they didn't make the cut to be in this post. . . (Sorry, bro.) 

One response really caught my eye, though. The response was "Before I die I want to feel loved." Normal people would have thought, "Man. That's sad." Me, on the other hand, I can't let stuff go. I dwell on it. It consumes my mind and the thought that there is someone in the city I live in that doesn't feel loved bothers the mess out of me. I guess we fail to realize how privileged we are to be loved, but do we also fail to realize we come in contact with people every day who feel empty?  I do. I let my anxiety ridden, introvert self take over 75% of the time and don't show kindness the way I should. I show awkward, weird, and mute. I mean at least I'm not being hateful, right? Wrong. I'm being a bystander to suffering. I feel like that is worse. Honestly, It's something I have to work on. I have to pretend I'm not an introvert and say hey to people on campus, because someone might need a friendly good morning or how are you. 

Isn't that something we all need to work on? Do we get so caught up in our own selfs that we forget to have the little conversations with people that could possibly make their day? Everyone puts on a front. Most people are not going to just walk up and tell you what's going on in their life. To the people that can do that, I wish I was as genuine as you. So, think about it. How many people do you walk past every day that just want to feel loved? How far will lunch with a stranger on campus go? How many people do we have to lose before we realize Christianity isn't about trying not to sin, but it's about sharing the love of Christ that covers our sin? 

My goal for this week is to start saying hello and genuinely caring for the people around me and I urge you to do the same. Hey. You might knock "I want to feel loved" off of someones bucket list.

Dear, My Only Safe Haven

This post is about the band My Only Save Haven. (Pictured above) Their EP Letters just came out on iTunes and it is bomb! (If you don't know what bomb means, it means it's really really really good.) It's not only amazing because Kayla Saunders sings like an angel but, because My Only Save Haven is one of the rare bands that try to bring hope.

Obviously, there are a ton of great bands around. I mean, come on y'all! Maroon 5 is the epitome of hotness, but I've never heard a Maroon 5 song and consciously thought about my life. All Maroon 5 makes me want to do is dance and marry Adam Levine. (He's already married. I know. No need to remind me.) My Only Safe Haven though? It's a completely different story. The songs Today and Beautiful Life make me sit and think about what I'm doing with my life. Am I making a difference? Where does God want me to go? Am I acting like it's a beautiful life or am I acting like life is the struggle and it doesn't get better? These questions bring me to the song I really want to blog about.

The song is titled This Is Your Story, Not a Goodbye Letter. The title itself just kind of smacks you in the face with emotion. When I first heard this song, I was at a My Only Safe Haven concert in West Virginia. It was over Christmas break and if you have read my first blog post, you might understand the depressed an emotional state I was in. I didn't know if my life was actually my story anymore and honestly, I didn't care. I wanted it to be my goodbye letter. At this concert, I was thinking about what I wanted to do. I knew I needed to get better, but I really didn't want to tell anyone about it. When I heard this song, it finally hit me that the depressed state I was in would pass if I wanted it to. If I decided to be determined to choose joy and not look at myself as invisible and as someone whose opinion didn't matter, the dark place I was in could turn into being part of my story, which it has. This song was the pivotal point when I started having the mindset that I could get better if I wanted to. If it wasn't for hearing this song, who knows if I would have had the mindset that prepared me to change. Who knows where I would be now? So on behalf of the people who struggle or have struggled with depression, thank you My Only Safe Haven for not being afraid to write a song about a taboo subject. Y'all will never know how much hope you bring and how much hope you will continue to bring. And to my readers? In the words of My Only Safe Haven, it's a beautiful life. Just open your eyes.

"Pathetic Emptiness of Their Consumer Driven Lives"

I haven't blogged in a couple days because I have been rather sick. I wasn't sure if anyone wanted to read a Mucinex/Nyquil induced blog post. Chances are it would have been rather funny, but I didn't want to risk anyone thinking I needed to join a psych ward. If you could see the amount of medicine on my desk right now, you would think I needed to go to rehab. The struggle is real.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter celebrating our risen savior! (and eating candy like it's going out of style) But should our celebrating only be confined to one weekend? After Sunday, are we meant to go back to our normal lives? The title of this blog seems rather harsh and it is meant to be because, it's a quote. This quote is from 10 Things I Hate About You, which is by far the best 90's movie, in my opinion. I mean, Heath Ledger is in it. Who doesn't love him? (He is my favorite actor. I'm biased.) Kat Stratford says this quote in the movie. Kat is so full of anger and angst from her mother leaving that she just despises everyone. She turns out to be pretty bomb though, but how many of us think our lives are "meaningless" and "consumer driven"? You may not say it out loud, but a lot of people go through the motions of everyday life thinking that their life is meaningless and end up setting aside Easter to "really" celebrate Jesus, myself included.

It's really been hitting me lately the mindset I have been in in past years around Easter. The thought that I had and some other people might have is that fact that I had done everything the Bible had told me to do. I have accepted Jesus into my heart, but will Jesus accept me? I mean, I want to go to heaven. I want to live forever with Jesus, but does he want me to? So, I usually would just continue on with my life living like I know I should and just hoping Jesus actually wants me. Don't we all think that? We are Christians and we love the Lord and everything he has done for us, but actually believing he loves us no matter what we do, isn't that the hardest thing to believe? Is unconditional love actually a thing? It wasn't until recently I realized that it is. Most of us have heard about the man that was on the cross next to Jesus. He was a criminal hanging next to an innocent man and in his last breaths he claimed the Jesus as the messiah. Jesus told him he would spend eternity in heaven. He got to go to heaven even after his life of crime because he accepted Jesus and because God loved him and wanted him. He actually loves us and wants us. Strangely enough, the proof is in our everyday lives.

We have a family that loves us. If you don't, you have friends that love you. If you don't think you have friends that love you, shoot. I love you. We are blessed with opportunities. We have clothes and food. Nature itself is proof of God's love. Everything is so beautiful. Birds sing and flowers bloom and the sun sets in amazing colors just because God wants to show us his love. The sunset itself is just one big love letter from God and he thinks you are MORE beautiful than that?! Is that possible? I'm sorry to start sounding like a Disney princess, but his love for everyone is just so vast, yet so focused on each human being. It's unexplainable.

Because of this, shouldn't he be celebrated more than just one weekend? Obviously, he is worthy to be praised for other reasons as well, but his love changes us though. It gives us joy in times of grief. It gives us hope when there seems to be no hope. It give us life when we feel like there might not be a reason to live. Shouldn't that fact alone gives us a reason to praise him extravagantly for more than 3 days?

He Made Up His Mind

As you read this post, you're probably going to wonder what Jesus has to do with it. You might even think it's a little depressing, but bare with me, y'all. I promise it gets better. First of all, I would like to express how excited I am about the Lord lately. I've been raised pentecostal, but I honestly don't think I've been this excited about the Lord before. It's different, but it's pretty amazing. It's to the point where if someone asks me why I'm excited, I'll start talking with my hands in wide motions and my voice will gradually get louder. Don't believe me? Try it. I can't explain it y'all. God is just so good, which is the point of this post.

I know you're probably thinking "Brook, this isn't depressing at all. What were you talking about?" It's about to get rough, but then it'll get better! It's always about how we finish, right? *everyone says right*

I was reading in Jeremiah 6 the other day. If you've read Jeremiah 6, you know it's about how God has made up his mind to punish Jerusalem. Who wants to read about that? God is a loving dude. That He is, but He is also to be feared. That's something I forget most of the time. In this passage God is describing to Jerusalem how He has made up His mind to punish them and all the suffering that is about to happen. What stood out to me was verses 20 and 26. Verse 20 says, "What do I care about incense from Sheba or sweet calamus from a distant land? Your burnt offerings are not acceptable; your sacrifices do not please me." Verse 26 says, "O my people, put on sackcloth and roll in ashes; mourn with bitter wailing as for an only son, for suddenly the destroyer will come upon us." You're probably catching the depressing tone of the verses. You were warned, but it's true. If we look at these verses with a sense of destruction, they are depressing. God is being scary and we don't like that. At least, I didn't. But what happens if we look at these verses in a different light? What if we look at them at a place out of God's pain for his people? The verse about their offerings not being good enough probably was because their offerings were not pure. God wanted their offerings to be good enough, but they weren't. Let's take a look at that last verse, though. "O my people, put on a sackcloth and roll in ashes; mourn with bitter wailing as for an ONLY SON for suddenly the destroyer will come upon US."

Most of you are probably like, "Ok... so you bolded words in the verse and I still don't get it." Y'all. What if God didn't only make up his mind about punishing Jerusalem, what if He was describing how He had already made up His mind about sending His only son and He was describing the pain He was going to endure? Jesus came to fulfill the Old Testament. Their sacrifices were not good enough. They never were. That's why they had to keep sacrificing, but God sent the ultimate pure and holy sacrifice to cover all sins. What if His thought process was, "Yes. I have made up my mind to punish you, but I have also made up my mind to suffer with you. The later generations of your family will not have to endure this, because I am sending my son to save you. It will hurt me tremendously, but your salvation is more important than my pain." My mind was blown when I started thinking about this. God could be describing the gospel to a group of people who won't even be alive to see it.

I Kind Of Forgive You

Have you ever forgiven someone of something they did and then years later realized you were still holding a grudge about it? If you haven't, you're Jesus. When you get around that person, you say you've forgiven them, but as soon they turn around, you start gossiping about them faster than you can even think about the fact that you are gossiping about them. If you haven't realized it, you haven't really forgiven them.

As a Christian, I always talk about how forgiveness is a part of who I should be, but actually forgiving someone and not blasting their wrong doing to every friend that I have is honestly one of the hardest things to do. When someone hurts me, I want to rant about it. I want to go up to the first person I know and say, "*insert persons name* did this to me. I hate them. They're horrible. May the Lord reap coals of fire upon their head!" Cause you know, God really pays attention to petty drama. He probably does his holy eye roll in hopes we'll feel it and just shut our mouths. Then, we start making excuses. "But you just don't understand! What they did is unforgivable!" "I'm too hurt by them to forgive.'" or my favorite "The Lord sent them to tempt me." Honey, if the Lord sent them to tempt you, you're failing. Honestly, we're all failing.

Have you not done something to someone that they might see as unforgivable? How did it feel when you thought they forgave you and turns out that they have been gossiping about you to everybody? As Matthew 7:3 states, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

I feel like we fail to realize that what they did to Jesus was worse than what anyone of us has gone through. His friends betrayed him. Guards beat him and mutilated him to the point to where people couldn't recognize him. After his back was ripped open, he had to carry a cross made of wood for miles just to be nailed to it. To top it all off, he did all this while a nation was screaming in his face about how horrible he was when he did absolutely nothing wrong. Yet as he hung on the cross, he uttered the words, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." If we have been forgiven for all of our transgressions that put Jesus on the cross, who are we not to forgive the person the doesn't agree with our opinions?

Clark BAEckham

Judging by the title of this blog, you're probably thinking "Brook is going to blog about how she fan girls over Clark Beckham. Lord, help us all." That is not the case (but those eyes though). If you don't know who Clark is, you live under a rock, but I'll fill you in. Clark is one of the top contestants on American Idol. Not only is he an amazing singer, but he also attended Lee University which is where I am typing this blog currently. (*shameless plug* Go Flames! Vote Clark!) Do I personally know Clark? No, but I don't have to know him to learn something from him.

As Clark continues his journey on American Idol, it is truly inspiring how he is using his talents for the Lord. He reminds me of the verse Jeremiah 29:11 which states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Clark isn't even a music major. As Dr. Conn announced in our chapel service this morning, Clark is actually a history major. Do you honestly believe that when Clark chose his major his first thought was "I'm going to graduate and then be on American Idol."? He might have, but probably not.

Clark was most likely like every one of us when we were/are (what up, freshmen?) freshmen in college. We're scared. We're awkward. We want our mom even though we won't admit it, and we just want everyone to like us. We want one person to consider us one of the cool kids. No one plans to be awesome, but God plans for us to be incredible. Did Clark plan to make it big on American Idol? Probably not, but God did. Did the Robertson's plan on becoming A-List celebrities because of duck calls? Probably not, but God did. Did George Washington plan on being the first leader of one of the most free countries on the planet? Probably not, but God did. God has uniquely designed a plan for each of us. A plan that no one else will be able to accomplish like we do. All we have to do is listen and obey. So to end this blog post I would like to wish good luck to Clark Beckham on the rest of his journey on American Idol, but to also encourage you to listen to the Lord because his plans for you are beyond your wildest imagination.

The Pursuit of Love, Happiness, and All Things Awkward

This is Chandler Bing aka the king of awkward. According to my sister, he is an outspoken version of me. This is my favorite quote from Chandler. Why? This quote literally described me in my middle school and part of my high school years. Let me enlighten you on some funny (really embarrassing) stories on my pursuit for "love".

Let me start by saying, I blame my past view of what I wanted love to be on Disney princess movies because let's face it, their love lives are perfect! I love Disney princesses more than a normal 20 year old should and because of that, I believed any guy I liked would automatically be my knight in shining armor. I just knew they would send me love letters and pursue me and make my 12 year old life better than every other 12 year olds life, but when that didn't happen, I took it into my own hands, unfortunately.

My first story starts when I was in the 6th grade. Everyone knows you find your one true love in the 6th grade or at least I would and make everyone jealous. There was one guy that caught my attention. It wasn't his personality that caught my attention. It was his looks because that's what is important to a preteen. He was also a year older than me so, y'all know, he was a super sophisticated 7th grader. Well, I, being the awkward human being that I am, had no idea how to talk to him. I would just stare thinking I was flirting with my eyes, but probably looking more like Mr. Bean. One day, I decided to do something about it. I wrote him a letter and professed my undying like for him, but I didn't know where his locker was. So, I had the brilliant idea to give it to one of his friends (Do not try this at home). Obviously, after that, basically the whole school knew about my crush. Did we ever date? mmmmm negatory. My stalker status was too high.

One would think I would have learned my lesson. I did learn about hand written letters, but then social media was created and it was all down hill from there. I have typed 3 love letters over Facebook to guys I barely talked to. Yes, love letters. I professed my love for them. Some of them started with the statement, "God wanted me to tell you that..." Did God want me to tell them that I "loved" them? Probably not. I thought they were good looking and throwing God into the equation would help. It didn't, but don't worry readers, I have repented of my awkward God using days.

If you would like more details about these stories, my email is at the top of the screen or I probably know you in which contact me on social media. As I think about these awkward stories, it makes me wonder that are we all not hopeless, awkward, and desperate for love? Everyone wants to be loved. We all want someone to want us enough to write love letters or play sports with or make something for us. Some of us fail to realize that we already have that. God pursues us everyday. His blessings are endless. Imagine God being that awkward middle schooler and coming up to you and saying, "Hey, I don't know where your locker is, but I made this really cool flower for you." "Hey *insert your name*, come outside! I made it snow so I can show you my love." The major thing that he did was that he sent his son to die for us just so we can live with him in eternity. WHO DOES THAT? His love is unfathomable.

I am still waiting for my knight to write me love letters and sweep me off my feet (applications are being accepted), but as I wait, I am not alone. Even if the day never comes that I get married, I know that Jesus is the one that sustains me, as he does for everyone else.