Clark BAEckham

Judging by the title of this blog, you're probably thinking "Brook is going to blog about how she fan girls over Clark Beckham. Lord, help us all." That is not the case (but those eyes though). If you don't know who Clark is, you live under a rock, but I'll fill you in. Clark is one of the top contestants on American Idol. Not only is he an amazing singer, but he also attended Lee University which is where I am typing this blog currently. (*shameless plug* Go Flames! Vote Clark!) Do I personally know Clark? No, but I don't have to know him to learn something from him.

As Clark continues his journey on American Idol, it is truly inspiring how he is using his talents for the Lord. He reminds me of the verse Jeremiah 29:11 which states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Clark isn't even a music major. As Dr. Conn announced in our chapel service this morning, Clark is actually a history major. Do you honestly believe that when Clark chose his major his first thought was "I'm going to graduate and then be on American Idol."? He might have, but probably not.

Clark was most likely like every one of us when we were/are (what up, freshmen?) freshmen in college. We're scared. We're awkward. We want our mom even though we won't admit it, and we just want everyone to like us. We want one person to consider us one of the cool kids. No one plans to be awesome, but God plans for us to be incredible. Did Clark plan to make it big on American Idol? Probably not, but God did. Did the Robertson's plan on becoming A-List celebrities because of duck calls? Probably not, but God did. Did George Washington plan on being the first leader of one of the most free countries on the planet? Probably not, but God did. God has uniquely designed a plan for each of us. A plan that no one else will be able to accomplish like we do. All we have to do is listen and obey. So to end this blog post I would like to wish good luck to Clark Beckham on the rest of his journey on American Idol, but to also encourage you to listen to the Lord because his plans for you are beyond your wildest imagination.

The Pursuit of Love, Happiness, and All Things Awkward

This is Chandler Bing aka the king of awkward. According to my sister, he is an outspoken version of me. This is my favorite quote from Chandler. Why? This quote literally described me in my middle school and part of my high school years. Let me enlighten you on some funny (really embarrassing) stories on my pursuit for "love".

Let me start by saying, I blame my past view of what I wanted love to be on Disney princess movies because let's face it, their love lives are perfect! I love Disney princesses more than a normal 20 year old should and because of that, I believed any guy I liked would automatically be my knight in shining armor. I just knew they would send me love letters and pursue me and make my 12 year old life better than every other 12 year olds life, but when that didn't happen, I took it into my own hands, unfortunately.

My first story starts when I was in the 6th grade. Everyone knows you find your one true love in the 6th grade or at least I would and make everyone jealous. There was one guy that caught my attention. It wasn't his personality that caught my attention. It was his looks because that's what is important to a preteen. He was also a year older than me so, y'all know, he was a super sophisticated 7th grader. Well, I, being the awkward human being that I am, had no idea how to talk to him. I would just stare thinking I was flirting with my eyes, but probably looking more like Mr. Bean. One day, I decided to do something about it. I wrote him a letter and professed my undying like for him, but I didn't know where his locker was. So, I had the brilliant idea to give it to one of his friends (Do not try this at home). Obviously, after that, basically the whole school knew about my crush. Did we ever date? mmmmm negatory. My stalker status was too high.

One would think I would have learned my lesson. I did learn about hand written letters, but then social media was created and it was all down hill from there. I have typed 3 love letters over Facebook to guys I barely talked to. Yes, love letters. I professed my love for them. Some of them started with the statement, "God wanted me to tell you that..." Did God want me to tell them that I "loved" them? Probably not. I thought they were good looking and throwing God into the equation would help. It didn't, but don't worry readers, I have repented of my awkward God using days.

If you would like more details about these stories, my email is at the top of the screen or I probably know you in which contact me on social media. As I think about these awkward stories, it makes me wonder that are we all not hopeless, awkward, and desperate for love? Everyone wants to be loved. We all want someone to want us enough to write love letters or play sports with or make something for us. Some of us fail to realize that we already have that. God pursues us everyday. His blessings are endless. Imagine God being that awkward middle schooler and coming up to you and saying, "Hey, I don't know where your locker is, but I made this really cool flower for you." "Hey *insert your name*, come outside! I made it snow so I can show you my love." The major thing that he did was that he sent his son to die for us just so we can live with him in eternity. WHO DOES THAT? His love is unfathomable.

I am still waiting for my knight to write me love letters and sweep me off my feet (applications are being accepted), but as I wait, I am not alone. Even if the day never comes that I get married, I know that Jesus is the one that sustains me, as he does for everyone else.

Your Face Scares Me

Honestly, it does, but it's not because you are ugly. You're so beautiful/handsome! (#genderequality) Talking to people, though? That's a whole different story. Actually getting up the guts to talk to someone is probably the greatest effort I have to make. Ask me to ride a roller coaster that goes 80 miles per hour with 6 loops and no seatbelt? I'd do it in a heartbeat. Ask me to talk to someone? I'll have a panic attack and stand as far away from anyone as possible. Weird fear. I know. Well, that social fear roared it's ugly head again tonight.

At the school I attend, I am usher which is like a super social job if you can imagine. I always have this get up and go before work. "I will talk to people. I will be funny. I will make friends." Pretty inspiring, huh? Then I get to work and my get up and go has got up and gone and my mindset is "here, let me sit in the corner and not talk." The reason I don't talk isn't because I don't want to. It's because I don't want to disappoint or for someone to think I'm weird. It's a major problem. When that happened again tonight, I was so frustrated! I had just had an amazing weekend with God! I want to talk to people about it. I want to be outgoing, but I'm not. I was holding in my frustration and throwing a little pity party in my head all before service, but as worship started, God reminded me of verses Perry Stone read at WarriorFest this weekend. The verses are Jeremiah 1: 8-9. It states, "Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee saith the Lord. Then the Lord put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the Lord said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth."

It is then when it occurred to me, why should I be scared? Has God not called me to be to more than a girl with social anxiety? Has God not called you to be someone more than who you think you are? We, as people, think we know our limits. I can't talk to anyone, but has God not called me to more? You might not be able to make eye contact, but has God not called you to more? You may stutter, but has God not called you to more? Has God not called you to be more than the athlete, the pastor's kid, the freshman, or the high school drop out? If we start looking past what we think our limits are, what more can we accomplish? We shouldn't let what limits we think we have define us. God has called us to be more.

It's POTS not POT

No. This post is not about drugs. It is about one of my best friends. Her name is Abby Briggs. Abby and I have been friends for around 6 years now. She is one of the kindest and selfless people I have met in my life. Here is Abby and I pictured below leading a drama practice for our church:

ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?! Abby is the one with the red hair. I am the one with my eyes really wide open because I like looking really excited in my selfies, apparently.

 Through out the years I have known Abby, I have seen major changes in her. She has changed from "just one of the kids that attend church camp" into a leader. She works at the church 24/7. She leads drama teams and she teaches the children AND she is doing this all while taking school online. Why does she take school online? because one of the other changes I have seen in her is physical. Abby has POTS. This is not caused from her smoking pot. There is an S at the end of this word. I don't know much about POTS, but I do know it consists of Abby not getting enough oxygen. Because of this, Abby has what we call an "episode." She starts hyperventilating and eventually ends up passing out. If you have never experienced someone having a POTS episode, I don't wish it upon you. It is one of the scariest experiences you will have in your life. It is more likely for an episode to happen when Abby gets really hot or is doing a lot of activity, I think. Again. I don't know much about POTS. Abby started having so many episodes that she had to leave high school and start school online. Regardless of how many episodes she has had at church though, she always pursues the Lord with all she has. Abby has had many episodes in the alter. We are Pentecostals so you can imagine how crazy it gets in the alter.

I can hear some of your thoughts now. "Why does she continue to go to the alter if she has episodes?" "Jesus can reach her in her chair." "This girl is crazy. Just don't move." What would have happened if King David wouldn't have moved? He wouldn't have killed Goliath. What if the woman with the issue of blood wouldn't have moved? She wouldn't have got healed. What if our founding fathers wouldn't have moved? We would all have British accents. What if Martin Luther King Jr. wouldn't have moved? We would still be segregated. If you can't tell, Abby has taught me something and has probably taught others, we always have to move. If we don't move, nothing will change in our lives. Nothing will change in the world if we become complacent and don't strive to change what is happening around us. Regardless of the circumstance, how we feel, or what our problem is, we always have to move. So the point of this blog is to not only give Abby the shout out I neglected to give her at WarriorFest (which is bomb, Perry Stone and Mark Casto know whats up.), but to remind everyone that we have got to keep moving if we want to change the world.

The Struggle Was Real

This blog post is a paper I wrote for a class. As I was writing it, I started crying, because well, I am an emotional person. I decided I wanted to share it with other people. 

Passion is an interesting word. Passion, according to the dictionary, can either mean a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something or a strong feeling of anger that can cause someone to act in a dangerous way. Either way you look at the word passion, there is a common word in both definitions. That word is strong. Some other words that can describe strong are powerful or mighty or dependable. Having a passion for a certain area of benevolence or a certain group of people can make someone who thinks they are weak into someone who is strong and dependable. This is what having a passion has done to me. Before I introduce my passions, let me introduce myself.

My legal name is Jacquelyn Brook Weaver, but I go by Brook. I am a pastor’s daughter and have been for all twenty years of my existence. My parents are the youth directors over the state of West Virginia for the Church of God. My obsession with puppies, Batman, and Disney princesses are probably not normal for a 20 year old woman. I am a sophomore Psychology major as of Monday of this week. I also am striving to get a minor in youth ministries. I switched my major from Middle Grades education and I am so excited to see what God has prepared for me, but most of all I am madly in love with Jesus Christ. 

My passions and God are what guided me to switch my major. My passion is to help young people who struggle with depression, anxiety, low self worth, etc. The reason this is my passion is because depression and anxiety are things that I have struggled with. My fight with depression started in high school. I am raised in a God fearing home, so my whole life I had been old how much God loved me and how perfect he saw me, but none of that matters when one can’t see their self that way. I felt like no one wanted to be around me. I felt invisible. Though I struggled with depression, I hid it fairly well. I figured I could handle it by myself and that it wasn't a big deal. 

After a few years of off and on depression lows, I started having anxiety attacks. This was my freshman year of college. A man decided he was going to steal my phone while I was talking on it and it triggered a battle with anxiety. In large groups of people, I’d start to move to a corner of a room. The weirdest thing about anxiety attacks for me is my feet go numb and I feel stuck. After about a year of struggling with depression and anxiety together, everything decided to clash. God decided it was time for me and a guy I was in a relationship with to move apart. This happened right before Christmas break. Christmas break was probably the worst experience of my life. I was depressed and kept having anxiety attacks. I wouldn't move off the couch unless I absolutely had to. I would cry myself to sleep. It even got to the point where my mom had talked about sending me to a psychologist. My only thought in my mind was how I honestly didn't want to live anymore. After coming back to school, I attended a service at Christ Community Church where the sermon was over forgiveness. For some reason that struck a chord in me, I started forgiving people who had done or I had thought done things to me that caused me to have depression and anxiety. I learned that my worth is not in what others think of me or what I think others think of me. My identity is in Christ and thought it is still something I steadily work through, it’s easier to work through when I’m looking up at Jesus and have support of the people around me.

This is why helping those with depression and anxiety is my passion. I want others that struggle with this to know that they are not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and their worth isn't defined by what others think of them or what Hollywood portrays what worth is. I want them to know that there are people who want to help and want to be that strong dependable person for them.