This blog post is a paper I wrote for a class. As I was writing it, I started crying, because well, I am an emotional person. I decided I wanted to share it with other people.
Passion is an interesting word. Passion, according to the dictionary, can either mean a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something or a strong feeling of anger that can cause someone to act in a dangerous way. Either way you look at the word passion, there is a common word in both definitions. That word is strong. Some other words that can describe strong are powerful or mighty or dependable. Having a passion for a certain area of benevolence or a certain group of people can make someone who thinks they are weak into someone who is strong and dependable. This is what having a passion has done to me. Before I introduce my passions, let me introduce myself.
My legal name is Jacquelyn Brook Weaver, but I go by Brook. I am a pastor’s daughter and have been for all twenty years of my existence. My parents are the youth directors over the state of West Virginia for the Church of God. My obsession with puppies, Batman, and Disney princesses are probably not normal for a 20 year old woman. I am a sophomore Psychology major as of Monday of this week. I also am striving to get a minor in youth ministries. I switched my major from Middle Grades education and I am so excited to see what God has prepared for me, but most of all I am madly in love with Jesus Christ.
My passions and God are what guided me to switch my major. My passion is to help young people who struggle with depression, anxiety, low self worth, etc. The reason this is my passion is because depression and anxiety are things that I have struggled with. My fight with depression started in high school. I am raised in a God fearing home, so my whole life I had been old how much God loved me and how perfect he saw me, but none of that matters when one can’t see their self that way. I felt like no one wanted to be around me. I felt invisible. Though I struggled with depression, I hid it fairly well. I figured I could handle it by myself and that it wasn't a big deal.
After a few years of off and on depression lows, I started having anxiety attacks. This was my freshman year of college. A man decided he was going to steal my phone while I was talking on it and it triggered a battle with anxiety. In large groups of people, I’d start to move to a corner of a room. The weirdest thing about anxiety attacks for me is my feet go numb and I feel stuck. After about a year of struggling with depression and anxiety together, everything decided to clash. God decided it was time for me and a guy I was in a relationship with to move apart. This happened right before Christmas break. Christmas break was probably the worst experience of my life. I was depressed and kept having anxiety attacks. I wouldn't move off the couch unless I absolutely had to. I would cry myself to sleep. It even got to the point where my mom had talked about sending me to a psychologist. My only thought in my mind was how I honestly didn't want to live anymore. After coming back to school, I attended a service at Christ Community Church where the sermon was over forgiveness. For some reason that struck a chord in me, I started forgiving people who had done or I had thought done things to me that caused me to have depression and anxiety. I learned that my worth is not in what others think of me or what I think others think of me. My identity is in Christ and thought it is still something I steadily work through, it’s easier to work through when I’m looking up at Jesus and have support of the people around me.
This is why helping those with depression and anxiety is my passion. I want others that struggle with this to know that they are not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and their worth isn't defined by what others think of them or what Hollywood portrays what worth is. I want them to know that there are people who want to help and want to be that strong dependable person for them.
No comments:
Post a Comment